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-   -   nobody's beautiful (http://netcees.org/showthread.php?t=142193)

dead man 02-24-2020 01:23 AM

nobody's beautiful
 
charcoal city
black ivy lattice crawling through brick
imagine waking up one day and calling it quits
fortune teller crystal ball in his fist, charlatan mystic
all my children play apostle for Christmas. toss me your wish
watch me repress it, call me a taxi
i'm headed wherever
long abandoned that theory we'd turn out better together
sensitive kid in search of empath. remember the times
we fucked and then hated ourselves the rest of the night
heavy burden i am, street urchin stuck in a room
headlining empty rooms until there's nothing to prove
proselytize my concubine like summery blues
when all I've seen for months is stone and rubber and glue
call me collect. this payphone works for dollars and cents
i'm a marketing gimmick who's target audience left
pardon me, this is the only part of me which
truly wants to die but can't be bothered to slip
spirits in my liver let me talk to my friends
who will never see the sun again but want to repent
holy homily we're far from the shore, we swam into storms
gasping for air. christ i barely even laugh anymore
black-robe phantom horrorshow a ghastly galore
pill-popping 20 years to battle panic disorder
gravity falls
city lights forgotten forests and snow
you've cried me a river. now build me a boat
ropes tied onto harbor gates we floated in unison
so ugly when i look inside that nobody's beautiful
total luminescence gritty grimy perverse
90 gigahertz per mile we jog from hospice to church
slow it
down

Pharaohs Army 02-26-2020 01:08 AM

imagine waking up one day and calling it quits
toss me your wish
watch me repress it, call me a taxi
remember the times we fucked and then hated ourselves the rest of the night
proselytize my concubine like summery blues
call me collect.
pardon me
now build me a boat
slow it
down


I hope I didn't miss any, but I've italicized the parts where you as a writer implore EITHER the reader OR a character (who is likely female) to "do something"

It's an interesting way to make a verse more relatable IMO

That's my feed on this.

I'd also like to say this piece is very dead man.
If I didn't know the author but was reading long abandoned that theory we'd turn out better together I'd say "that's dead man right there"

Anyway, keep em comin man

dull boy 02-27-2020 02:32 PM

Enjoyable as always.

Exis 02-29-2020 07:12 AM

My son loved this part...

imagine waking up one day and calling it quits
fortune teller crystal ball in his fist, charlatan mystic
all my children play apostle for Christmas. toss me your wish

He's 8 so yeah...Nice piece bro, My child thinks you're awesome.

Eŋg 02-29-2020 02:23 PM

unexpectedly wholesome feed. that was nice.

dead man 02-29-2020 03:52 PM

Lmao thanks ex shoutout to your kid

I remember wise saying he read something I posted to his sister and she was shaking her head lol

Oh well

Eŋg 03-01-2020 07:17 AM

my girl overheard me reading one of your pieces aloud, years ago, mistaking it for mine.

she said my writing had taken a decidedly obscure turn.

i secretly died inside a bit at the notion.

didn't bother to correct her.

(i did.)

Exis 03-01-2020 06:32 PM

Lol...

Live heat 03-02-2020 09:55 PM

I am admittedly a dead man cuck and I nutted to this text on some asexual sexual shit

Everybody here emulates

I want to create a style like this but I’m too lazy

Sorry


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