Self-discovery

[UnbornBuddha]

The God that sacrificed his divinity -- when he realized infinity.
The universe spoke to him in the tone of silly hillbillies.
One day he just unlocked his abilities
And manipulated the world into solidity.
Fundamentally questioning your validity;
The path of the anti-hero was affinity.
Occult secret like a Brahman mystery
Of what the universe's whispers mean.
I'm ashamed, I'm possessed by nicotine
It's what drove me to believe in religious things.
I demand you give me the guillotine,
The suffering of the strong-spirited.
A martyr who has taken misery
Onto himself as the epitome.
Wired and jittery from transmutating similies
Into inspiration for a symphony.
In the end, all we have is memories
Etched into our minds
Like sculptures of our enemies,
Vulgars in ornament less entropy.
Imagining my heroic destiny
With my bi-polar telepathy.
A tale to in-depth see how near death I breathe.
One breath, two breaths - that's the melody
That should play when stress unleashes
It's brutal pummeling on your Georgia Peaches.
A homeless man today told me he tortured Jesus
Lunatics with insights disorient teachers.
Babbling the linguistic meaning behind hieroglyphs
There is tetrahedral heart shapes inside the sphinx.
Pardon me, my lover insists I bite her lips
So the kiss becomes an eternal glimpse
Into the paradisiacal life of a pimp.
I want to go forever silent and bliss.
So quiet, I notice.... nothing exists.
Money made me corrupted as shit
It deconstructed my wit
Until I sunk my own ship.
My soul taken by homunculus
Who dissected my consciousness
Only to self-discover their apocalypse.

[2tripple0]

Ehh wasnt feeling the ending even tho all around this piece was very capturing.. i think a lot of it u put a lotta personal spin on it... the way it starts with like a bunch of hillbillies at times it was hard to grasp the meaning of the piece.... its like theres a bunch of people interacting and i mean the writing and rhymes were good but again i didnt know what you meant or like what the story was actually about... i needed more information like really... a lot of it was hard to follow... but thanks for dropping i did enjoy this piece, and hopefully more to come.... this is a decent addition to he open mic...

[Scripter]

I think it started out good but got a little dry toward the end.
It was indeed a little difficult to follow the topic of what you were saying maybe a little too much metaphor, which may or may not of hurt your piece. If people can't interrupt what you are saying, how can they appreciate it. I guess it depends on your goal. You could be taking the abstract approach(not everyone is gonna get what your saying) or you could be trying to articulate when you speak(you are relating to your experiences or experiences that many people can relate to).

[Mr. J]

Originally Posted by Scripter

I think it started out good but got a little dry toward the end.

thats what she said...








I thought this was pretty cool, not your normal work...
although it does have that old Buddha touch I do believe
my issue is you are stuck in your comfort zone with your pieces
you always touch on religion regardless of what you write
what I would like to see is a strong plot with some character development
this would be great if it was a OM cypher drop, but alone there isnt much foundation
well...for me at least, but I do like seeing you put in work when you can.
this felt like a watered down JESODIST piece though...you know how he gets all wacky with his rhymes.
either way I thought the opening was pretty good just like that fellow above me said...
short lines & quick delivery....nice work bruh