Curvacious Crawl Spaces

Mr. J · 08-15-2013, 07:41 PM

Illusion itself is the fate of the beholder
keep faith in the order, for the sake of the quota
based in Dakota, laced with laments baking soda
raging & pacing over documented facts
couldn't fix their path, nor could they augment it back
shattering consequences that are alarming to grasp
as harming as glass...twist goes the sands of time
creating the labyrinth I deliver into cavernous times
imagine the height Goliath would have to climb...
that's what it would take for y'all to understand this habit of mine
I'm too beyond belief, balancing out ideals in a Romulan fleet
while y'all write stuff strong enough to put Rasta's to sleep
laying out...chalk and sheet while witnesses awkwardly speak
tryna make sense of this place and all that we see
like...this is common to me, of course it's nonsense to me
but from these coordinates in orbit, you is nada to see
an illusion, an idea, a problem needed solving to breathe
but all is lost when you are where all you see...

is the darkness with glee

ill nik-A · 08-15-2013, 08:13 PM

I enjoyed it, my favorite parts was sand of time and Goliath, that was a strong segment, didn't like the rasta line felt awkward to me, ending was solid, flow was on point, cool flow excercise type verse

CopyPat · 08-16-2013, 01:16 AM

solid writing man. u been doin this a while its clear. i didn't really really get what u were trying to say here so by the end i kindof lost attention. i been reading all ur drops in cypher section and i actually think i like those better than this haha. its like u don't place any restrictions on urself there and just let it go. almost too serious in the actual booth. Either way this was solid. nothing crazy, far from shitty but just didn't do anything for me beyond that. also did not like the 2 lines ending with the word time haha, pet peeve most dudes have i think... try to avoid that usually

veritas · 08-16-2013, 10:01 AM

I'm too beyond belief, balancing out ideals in a Romulan fleet

^dope. Were they cloaked lol?

Mr. J · 08-17-2013, 08:08 PM

cloaked...

and dagger

Vulgar · 08-21-2013, 05:56 PM

The ending was just okay. Content-wise the whole thing was on point. You always kept it interesting.

Illusion itself is the fate of the beholder
keep faith in the order, for the sake of the quota
based in Dakota, laced with laments baking soda
raging & pacing over documented facts
couldn't fix their path, nor could they augment it back
shattering consequences that are alarming to grasp
^Niceness..

Keep doing you

Eŋg · 08-21-2013, 07:44 PM

i feel like you might have some good ideas, at times, and shitz that will spark interest, but generally... your delivery/execution is mighty unpolished. unnatural. i mean i read 'harming as glass' and just thought to myself... eh. you better of not forcing that rhyme there and developing ur expression, instead. think that could be said for a lot of your verse. there are some good ideas, though. atm i can't get with them.

08-15-2013, 07:41 PM	#1
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	Curvacious Crawl Spaces Illusion itself is the fate of the beholder keep faith in the order, for the sake of the quota based in Dakota, laced with laments baking soda raging & pacing over documented facts couldn't fix their path, nor could they augment it back shattering consequences that are alarming to grasp as harming as glass...twist goes the sands of time creating the labyrinth I deliver into cavernous times imagine the height Goliath would have to climb... that's what it would take for y'all to understand this habit of mine I'm too beyond belief, balancing out ideals in a Romulan fleet while y'all write stuff strong enough to put Rasta's to sleep laying out...chalk and sheet while witnesses awkwardly speak tryna make sense of this place and all that we see like...this is common to me, of course it's nonsense to me but from these coordinates in orbit, you is nada to see an illusion, an idea, a problem needed solving to breathe but all is lost when you are where all you see... is the darkness with glee __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

08-16-2013, 01:16 AM	#3
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	solid writing man. u been doin this a while its clear. i didn't really really get what u were trying to say here so by the end i kindof lost attention. i been reading all ur drops in cypher section and i actually think i like those better than this haha. its like u don't place any restrictions on urself there and just let it go. almost too serious in the actual booth. Either way this was solid. nothing crazy, far from shitty but just didn't do anything for me beyond that. also did not like the 2 lines ending with the word time haha, pet peeve most dudes have i think... try to avoid that usually __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

08-17-2013, 08:08 PM	#5
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	cloaked... and dagger __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

08-15-2013, 08:13 PM	#2
ill nik-A Super Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 7,420 Battle Record: 70-25 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - Battle Arena - BA Picture - Picture Battle Tournament - Netcees Battle League (3x) - Netcees Writers League (2x) - Summer Classic VI - Fall Brawl III - Netcees Battle League Season X - Lyric Olympics Rep Power: 77164519	I enjoyed it, my favorite parts was sand of time and Goliath, that was a strong segment, didn't like the rasta line felt awkward to me, ending was solid, flow was on point, cool flow excercise type verse

08-21-2013, 05:56 PM	#6
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	The ending was just okay. Content-wise the whole thing was on point. You always kept it interesting. Illusion itself is the fate of the beholder keep faith in the order, for the sake of the quota based in Dakota, laced with laments baking soda raging & pacing over documented facts couldn't fix their path, nor could they augment it back shattering consequences that are alarming to grasp ^Niceness.. Keep doing you

08-21-2013, 07:44 PM	#7
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	i feel like you might have some good ideas, at times, and shitz that will spark interest, but generally... your delivery/execution is mighty unpolished. unnatural. i mean i read 'harming as glass' and just thought to myself... eh. you better of not forcing that rhyme there and developing ur expression, instead. think that could be said for a lot of your verse. there are some good ideas, though. atm i can't get with them.