Twin Tourney Topical Division Round 1: symetrik vs Goatmilk713 - OPEN FOR VOTES!

[Dominate]

Welcome to the Twin Tourney - Topical Division!

We have eight competitors with their eye on the semi-finals round. Only four will progress. Do you have what it takes to survive?

Due Dates:

Verses this week are due Friday and will be open until Monday.
Battles that lack votes may close later.
One sided battles may get closed early.
Extensions are 24 hours

Line Limit: 16 Minimum, 32 Maximum

Topic:

@symetrik @Goatmilk713

[symetrik]

cheque

[Dominate]

Goatmilk’s Verse:


As pristine as it all may look, I could let go of this wheel and crash.
But is it safe to say that's my will of fate
Driving in a straight line with no way to look
Any infractions might leave me stranded
On an Exit I should of never took
Retracting my mileages so I won't get booked
Billboards mistaken for ways to get a foot
Beware because they'll leave you hooked
My GPS on a narrow road because
The soul knows this life is crooked
As many ridges in a mountain
There are laws in their books
Had to turn the traction off to
Break through my limits
Speed drifting to my own dimension
Bending at my own angles to
Make things acute
Following signs that are scientific for my route
Exhausting all options to get out of the loop
Set the cruise control into motion
Therefore I can quantimize the kilometers to my
Spiritual Proof
Now that I have put myself in between the distance
I'm surely gauging what's to come in my beginning
No matter the burning fossil fuels I took to get here
I refuse to pollute my think tank for a common commodity for my price of fear
Taxing my soul particles to clean your river of despair.
I'm not the engineer but the ingenuity who engined here.
Check all the schematics and you'll find that a God was driven here
Digital consoles leads to an electromagnetic tier
Esoteric Blue prints are left for those who seek to steer
While the rest are caught captivating the rest of the light years in our rears

[symetrik]

In the past,
I’d been incapable of change.
Uncapable? Fuck it, it’s all the same.
I’d been focused on staying in one lane.
Blinders up; do whatever it takes.
Big picture’s about winning a race,
but no one tells you to set a sustainable pace;
tapping the brakes,
but never having “pull-off-the-road” days -
it’s a shame.

Maybe I’ll pull over today and take ten,
just a short break, something to stay zen,

cuz I’ve been trying to carve out a haven
where I can sleep safe and awaken
to the smell of burnt toast and bacon
and whatever the radio’s playing…

I guess I dozed off in the car ‘til the day’s end.
got so far to go, hope I make it to my destination
before I break down or give up or cave in…
amen.

this is my 900th month on the road.
I’ve had my fair share of passengers, but prefer driving alone.
I’ve gotten a little better at taking it slow,
but things seem to speed up as you get old.

if there’s only one thing I’ve learned here,
it’s that we view what’s off in the distance with fear
and never take the time to attend to what’s near.
I wish I could have back the years…

he says, as he wipes away tears

[ACTIVATE SELF]

reserved for feed

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Goatmilk
I’ll be honest—I’m not entirely sure I fully grasped the deeper meaning of your piece, though I gave it several reads in search of the overarching metaphor. My interpretation is that it’s an abstract narrative about discovering God or reconnecting with a divine purpose. The driving-related wordplay seemed to suggest we’re all on a journey, with the route we choose determining our destination—whether that’s spiritual enlightenment or something more personal. I could be off, but I feel like I’m at least in the right lane (pun intended).

I’ve always enjoyed cryptic, esoteric writing when it’s done well, and you seem to lean into that style here. Personally, I aim to make seemingly sporadic ideas feel cohesive on closer inspection when I write like this, and I think you might’ve achieved something similar. That said, I’d probably need to sit with it a little longer to fully unpack everything.

From a technical standpoint, you incorporated internal rhymes effectively, which gave the flow a smooth ride (another pun, couldn’t resist). The thematic wordplay stood out as well—some of it didn’t fully land for me, but other moments painted vivid imagery. I particularly liked the part where you mentioned not being the engineer; that’s where things started to come into focus for me. Overall, I appreciated the effort and creativity you brought to this piece.

—

Symetrik
At first, I thought your piece was a little simple, but the more I read it, the more the message started to resonate. My interpretation is that it’s about not getting so caught up in the grind of making a living that you forget to make a life. Your narrator seems to embody someone like a truck or taxi driver—always working, always on the road, trying to earn enough to reach a place where they can finally relax. But in doing so, they forget to enjoy the journey, running themselves into the ground (or out of gas—one more pun for good measure).

I found this super relatable and grounded, and the themes hit close to home. From a technical perspective, your flow was smooth, and the imagery, while subtle, was really effective. There was an understated emotional weight to it that grew stronger with each read. It was a piece that stuck with me—not flashy, but meaningful in its subtlety.

—

Vote
I went back and reread both pieces multiple times to make sure I wasn’t missing anything and to see which one hit harder after a closer look. Ultimately, I’m giving my vote to Symetrik. Both pieces were strong, and I enjoyed them for different reasons, but Symetrik’s grounded, real-world struggle resonated with me a little more than Goatmilk’s abstract, soul-searching journey.

Goatmilk’s piece was creative and thought-provoking, but I found some lines harder to connect to the larger narrative, whereas Symetrik’s piece felt more cohesive and polished. That said, I think this battle comes down to personal preference—I’m usually more into metaphysical writing, but this time, the relatability of Symetrik’s verse won me over.

Great job to both of you. This was a solid and enjoyable battle.

[Dope girl]

This is tough both start off creative
I enjoy reading both
personals well done
Flows so deep
Vote Symerik

[Dominate]

Goatmilk:
Hello and welcome to “topical battles”. It’s clear you’re a song writer. Your piece was ambitious and creative, weaving a bunch of driving metaphors into this kind of cosmic, spiritual exploration of purpose and self-discovery. I really dug “an exit I should have never taken”. That said, while the abstract/esoteric approach was definitely thought-provoking, the piece didn’t always feel cohesive, which made it tricky to follow the intended journey. Still, there were some really nice turns of phrase in there and decent rhymes.

Symetrik:
Your verse was more grounded and relatable, with a self reflective but conversational tone. Even though it perhaps wasn’t as intricate as Goatmilk’s piece, it was more cohesive and perhaps therefore more emotionally resonant. The more I read it, the more the themes settle in and stick with me. The passenger line was a standout. My biggest complaint here is the lack of multi syllable rhymes. They’re an important part of this artform IMO. Otherwise this is just mediocre poetry.

Vote:
Enjoyed both in different ways but I value overall cohesion over bar-by-bar intri***y, so my vote is for Symetrik.

[Etherwave]

I was not going to vote on this because we know each other irl but if votes are low and I'm needed i will edit.

[brokenhal0]

Goatmilk - Not enough style or impact for me tbh reads like a A.I verse

Symetrik - From the opening line you wrote with a sense of self and style easy victory ..


MVGT - SYM

[fraze]

Originally Posted by Goatmilk

As pristine as it all may look, I could let go of this wheel and crash.
But is it safe to say that's my will of fate
Driving in a straight line with no way to look
Any infractions might leave me stranded
On an Exit I should of never took
this is actually pretty dense with subtle wordplay. digging wheel of fate. you hit the theme in every bar without dropping your rhymes
Retracting my mileages so I won't get booked
Billboards mistaken for ways to get a foot
Beware because they'll leave you hooked
My GPS on a narrow road because
The soul knows this life is crooked
still hitting the highway theme but the rhymes fell of a bit
As many ridges in a mountain
There are laws in their books
Had to turn the traction off to
Break through my limits
Speed drifting to my own dimension
Bending at my own angles to
Make things acute
Following signs that are scientific for my route
Exhausting all options to get out of the loop
Set the cruise control into motion
Therefore I can quantimize the kilometers to my
Spiritual Proof
liked traction control, second part feels a bit rushed. rhyming is good in parts but inconsistent.
Now that I have put myself in between the distance
I'm surely gauging what's to come in my beginning
No matter the burning fossil fuels I took to get here
I refuse to pollute my think tank for a common commodity for my price of fear
Taxing my soul particles to clean your river of despair.
I'm not the engineer but the ingenuity who engined here.
Check all the schematics and you'll find that a God was driven here
Digital consoles leads to an electromagnetic tier
Esoteric Blue prints are left for those who seek to steer
While the rest are caught captivating the rest of the light years in our rears
there are some nice ideas through this section but rhymes have become much more simplistic

Originally Posted by symetrik

In the past,
I’d been incapable of change.
Uncapable? Fuck it, it’s all the same.
I’d been focused on staying in one lane.
cool. easy reading flow
Blinders up; do whatever it takes.
Big picture’s about winning a race,
but no one tells you to set a sustainable pace;
tapping the brakes,
but never having “pull-off-the-road” days -
it’s a shame.
low key pretty good life advice that people really don't get often enough

Maybe I’ll pull over today and take ten,
just a short break, something to stay zen,

cuz I’ve been trying to carve out a haven
where I can sleep safe and awaken
to the smell of burnt toast and bacon
and whatever the radio’s playing…
turning up the hippie vibes. having fun with the rhyming

I guess I dozed off in the car ‘til the day’s end.
got so far to go, hope I make it to my destination
before I break down or give up or cave in…
amen.
this is my 900th month on the road.
I’ve had my fair share of passengers, but prefer driving alone.
I’ve gotten a little better at taking it slow,
but things seem to speed up as you get old.
favorite section. tight rhymes and transitioning back from whimsy to philosphy

if there’s only one thing I’ve learned here,
it’s that we view what’s off in the distance with fear
and never take the time to attend to what’s near.
I wish I could have back the years…

he says, as he wipes away tears
cool ending. but the story fills unfinished. i get he's old and looking back, but who is he and why do i care?

Goatmilk, really liked the opening of your piece, it felt like you had a clear idea of how you wanted to execute on the concept and you started out strong. But the precision of your execution slowed down as the went on a felt like it was running out of steam towards the end in terms of the narrative part. There were a bunch of cool ideas in the last section but they were mostly raw concepts and not well connected with the rest of the piece. I get the themes of perseverance and self determination from it, but it doesn't seem directed towards a specific larger point.

Symetrik, I liked the effortless rhyming and the not overly serious tone of the piece. You had a cool concept that was pretty well executed but left me wanting more in the way of character introduction. I can follow the story but its hard to care about a character i never got to know. But in general I liked the life is a highway metaphor.

Vote: Symetrik In some ways they both took similar approaches to the topic, which the difference in narrative clarity a little more stark. Goatmilk is clearly a talented writer also, I think he might have taken this if he was able to extend the style of the first section through the piece and sharpen his ending. Symetrik your piece was a little shorter comparatively, and dispite the ending feeling a little flat I think you were able to flesh out the more complete piece.

[PancakeBrah]

I vote for Goatmilk. BOTW.

[Dominate]

Symetrik wins 4-0