WEEK NINE CONTENDERS: BROKENHAL0 (4-3) vs FRANK (3-1) FRANK WINS 3-1

[Adverse]

AOWL Season X WEEK NINE

@brokenhal0 @Frank


Verse Due: SUNDAY JUNE 5TH @ 11:59 PM

Line min: 10

Max: 60


Rules: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150311

Topic:






GOOD LUCK

[brokenhal0]

''The Lamentations Of Eloise''


A bright candlelight flickers in a gothic asylum
a special patient knows whats arriving 1835 betelgeuse shines in lilac diamond
haleys comet glides across the horizon
bells toll in the clock tower rain showers in belarus jasmine blooms as eloise is sleeping nude
a girl who can't read for roses deaf & mute with powers that peer inside the soulless
on a rowboat in the dark lake,a bouquet of flowers on the fridge tears in space cold nothingness
as shes sits on a bridge and fantasizes about diving in with the freshwater fish
say your prayers before you brush your teeth lamentations while you wash her feet
reality splits a 5 spoke wheel imps prick her pale skin with invisible pins
as blood trickles into the cushions of a satin padded room she feels the walls closing in
urine in her bed pan smells like ammonia & macaroons matte finish leftover gruel plate of spinach
her mother given her up for adoption years ago in the fog of gloom in the month of june
she was already drunk by the afternoon psychotic breakdown father never returning from war
while she was folding linen sowing prune seeds on the isles empty bottle of schnapps
ethanol seeps out her boobs ignoring the petulant cries of her child they played a different tune
fingers sharp as ice picks a heart cold enough for ice cubes
on the countryside a hole opens in the garden tearing apart reality's sinews
revealing the inner space inside you,that interface we all subscribe too
a child cries at creation using water and super glue to hold up a smile
approaching a new solar cycle she carved a doll using the butt of her fathers rifle
falling into the fire,it smells of helium and gas from a lighter
a hint of chloroform with a touch of cider,when the cannon balls start dropping
the pleated horses trampled,curious,coddling,no one set thee example
that everything when not cared properly is heading toward a grandiose sample
the mechanical man in the pamphlet,the passive newborn in shambles
walk hand in hand into the mantle,for warmth she held her palms over the flickering candle
vials of her tears mixed with sodium pentothal,the truth is after all these years
inside this place,in her mind she left it all,mess hall full of zombies next in line for medic call
wild girl who is the boss of a world so simple,staring out the asylum window
etching a hooded skeleton with an erection while she bites her pillow.
the psychs say it's form of possession her spirit animal a armadillo if her father was alive
he'd say if his daughter has a thing for death then let her die with a beating chest
as the war wages and shells bombarded the once abandoned castle
eloise is snatched in the middle of the night getting shipped to ellis island
rope burns on her throat,crust on her eyelids,spit on her cheek bone
the thoughts of moving stop her,illegal immigrant on a dock getting inspected by a doctor doctored documents to get adopted, in english it reads ''child labor'' on the prompter
due to man's incompetence her kind of intelligence lies deeper then a fossil
she rather die with clicking foot and cracking teeth supple breasts straddled hips
natural waist darkened scars chapped pouting lips she had the perfect fit for turning tricks
and that's a faith she would meet if she got on that ship,another place she don't want to be
sliding into the nothingness as the world eats itself free bleeding out her pink velvet coffin
another patient howls at the moon while playing the accordion
by daylight this place will be in ruins a solaced consortium
all around the village flaming arrows burn the city's audience
in the depths of the abyss darkness looks back and gives her a kiss
finally a emotion overtakes her vessel waking up starving in a stone room
dreams of eating a 5 course special.
The Architect flies over the nest of choice, and returns to the light
she jumps into the void and gets ripped apart by the speed of life
feeling like she met her likeness in a fallen universe once connected
golden deities from alternating solar systems send her a beautiful message
orbiting around the sun space junk hair wrapped in a honey bun
peering into the future 2021,aghast at visions of the advancing age fearing plague
black widows spinning outcomes into perpetual graves,birthing costumes
of depravity the chance of new selves demanding slaves,recycling upon the shores of liberty
washed up love letters in polluted bays,caught on lines by the puppeteers strings
lost in a land of orphans the only breakup was under the floor bed
as she hid under the squeaking board bends,the soldiers entered with force
swords in hand asking for every child to be hogtied and boarded
escorted away to a foreign land like cattle to be slaughtered
cries and screams the slaps and grabs nightmares and dreams to down to care
as she heard the last of them leave they lit the corridor with torches
with smoke billowing in the crawlspace she started choking and gagged
refusing to die she breaks the glass windows using her hands
to much screaming and chaos to hear it crash
jumping over infinity inhaling crackling cinder and ash
naked and filthy running through geraniums and grass
rusty gates open as the knights on horses pass
finally freed from chains,no more lobotomy's and male nurses with there hands up her legs
free to her own iniquity's to be paved,in the background an asylum eaten by flames
a child numb to the world exploring her own divinity with no name...Eloise

[Frank]

The pressure to talk to her mom about the non consensual sex at the dorm left Jennifer too depressed to talk—
It was the alcohols fault!!! it was everyone’s fault!!!! Especially Emily—it was Emily’s fault!!!! It-was-all-my-fault... IT-WAS-ALL-MY-F’IN FAULT!!!!!!!

“Oh. Jennifer—Honey. It wasn't anyone's fault.”

Said her mom, as the detective waltzed in: readied and sworn-in by the federal court.
The detectives involved: gathered all of the evidence, in the alleged form, of finger prints left on the stall—
The blood had gotten so dark: the detective thought, it wasn’t red anymore. . .
Stepping into the stall, insensitive and appalled, each step, wet with gore
The entire student body was kept in the dark. While the investigation went on, the police sectioned it off.
German Sheppard dogs were led to the stall. Picking up on the scent off the ultra fluorescent floor.
The smell of raw, SEX, perplexed the German Sheppard Dog’s who "never were wrong”

It smelled like blood and chemical solvent

It had gotten into the crevices of the Sheppard’s paws, and was being tracked-with-them-through-the-now-emptying hall
The detectives questioned the mom, questioned the guard, questioning all: like attending a lecturer of a Sex ED course

All of her friends were suspects

Forced to answer to the detectives, underneath the ultra fluorescent light bulb meant to dissolve
All Jennifer could remember was downing the beverage and waking up the next morning without any recollection or thoughts
Her pelvic was sore, her abs were, too. She was all black and blue, and too tender too talk.
The Detective sought more information

Tell me more

“Well. Uhhhm: There was a commotion in the bathroom: Everybody heard moaning that afternoon.”
Shaken up by The "Detectives" questioning gall: The Professor rested his forehead on his palms
Rebecca saw the two: exchanging numbers, friendly and palled, outside the detention hall

The detective paused

The interior of the interrogation room was cement and hard with oppressive bars
Kendrick saw them making out, around the water fountain

The detective was parched

The detective offered her professor some warm water, ice cubes, melted
Kendrick thought they were dating,

“The Professor would carry her books, but their chemistry was off.”

“I think they were going steady” said Jamal, as the detective called in another culprit to confess, to talk:
The detective thought, over another sip: attempting to figure out how this piece of the puzzle fit, assembling it all
The Detective inspected the stall: tracing his finger over the indent of her claws—nails embedded and scrawled
Teeth marks and scratch marks—where Jennifer defended her professor off, outstretching her arms
White gloves collecting all of the semen: for all intensive purposes, everything academic was brought to an academic halt.
It wasn’t anyone’s fault. The detectives paused as Jennifer fought back tears from her sexual assault
Allegedly, Preston, walked in, as Professor Amar exited the stalls and tells the detective that’s when he saw Jennifer crawl
—Underneath the metal door, and her dress was torn and the trail of blood led him to the suspects draw
The detectives thought Kendrick and Paul were their leading suspects, until they met Professor Amal
They said the professor and Jennifer were always together, inseparable since the trimester in the fall

Hector recalled Professor Amal fighting for Jennifers attention in the rec hall

Kendrick and Paul said their allegations were incredibly false, as the detectives pressured them, to talk: Jennifer bawled
Jennifer's hands were clenched and balled, and her teeth gritted: until you could see :chippage: Jennifer gnawed, on
The restraints, while the detective called in, all of the culprits, into the flesh, for resolve
The suspects all lined up along the measuring board, apprehended and tall
The forensics report came back with details clearer then the semen they had collected in the stall

UNPROTECTED NON CONSESUAL SEX

The detective stalled, as Jennifer saw, her alleged assultant, professor Amal and disenthralled
Her body language became suppressive and taut. He had made her feel defenseless and small.
The Physicians said “Jennifer was essentially, mauled" As the paramedics hauled Jennifer out of the ultra fluorescent stall with antiseptic gauze

“Ya’ll better confess or ya’ll be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law!”

Jennifer sprawled as Professor Amal threatened to expel Jennifer if she didn’t have sex in the stall
Kendrick and Paul said there was jealously involved
The detective found their text messages
“LOL. HUH?!”
The pressure to confess left both Jennifer and The Professor: back against the wall

[Mike Wrecka]

Really liked both

Halo- don’t think I ever read anything from you before. Your style is very abstract. With some dope imagery. Top notch verse here. Great flow , unconventional, but excellent none the less

Frank- this was a more straight forward verse. But executed very nicely. I think the topic kind of sucked tbh, didn’t leave all that much to interpretation so the writers were kind of pigeonholed. But frank had his usual next level flow and end rhymes. While also telling a more interesting story than his opponents.


Real close

If this was a straight up verse against verse battle I’d vote halo but I think frank hit the topic better so

Mvgt- Frank


Props to both

[NYCSPITZ]

This was a cool battle

Both texcees have a talent with words but a kind of inability to stay within the bounds of conventional grammatical norms.

Now, my grammar isn’t perfect either, it’s just better than yours, so it’s slightly annoying to see talent wasted on

* some dope bars *

followed by

* something that’s comprehensible via imagination leap & intuition but delivered in a way that’s garbage *

Look at halo he started dope asf with the star references but failed to

Keep the tension going with wack filler lines

It’s really that simple

Frank has some examples of strange wording but he at least

Held the tension

Story was pretty cool btw

I’m voting for Frank

There were some contrived instances in frank’s verse (LOL HUH like - ummm…what?), and some instances of weird shit in halos ( too instead of to etc). Kind of a letdown for a contenders Match. Like, we’re all grown men can we edit in the basic 4th grade shit before we post or are we weed high teenagers gone off 6 4lokos??!?

Anyways, I gave my vote already

If I’m to understand the reality of man poetry in the near future, I’d say that a Tournament of sorts pooling from the 7 dimensional realms of the Internet would work, namely the still active heads available from sites such as www.hipho-

[timeless]

Mvgt broken

Frank likes to ramble and it caught up to him here. The opening and your ending just ripped away my vote here tvh. Your relation to the topic seemed forced and unimaginable at times. Broken with a few mistypes and off cue flows, prolly due to a lack of commas and whatnot, had me stumbling with the vote here. Franks high usage of line breaks in long bars kill me every time.

V. Broken

Dude killed it. A couple of question marks as far as the story goes but your motivation was obvious and you had fun with it unlike forcing the words like frank did at times.

[Eviction]

@Frank, another longbar guy here, I still find the panning annoying I dont get it, rhymes was repetitive at times especially went you got to the fall/stall schems, even rhyming stall a few times, you really hitting on the stall topic I just wish you wouldn't have rhymed it so many times, other than that this was a solid piece.

@brokenhalo - def one of your better verses this season, loved the aliteration in the beggining around the @prick her pale skin / pins saying that 5 times fast is slick, I also would have went with a padden room or maybe an interregation room, you had a long piece to but it didn't ever have a dull moment.

Alot of people would see this battle and run away because the pieces are long, but it's worth the read, broken had the best verse I read from him, frank killed it with the rhyming as usual, I want to say frank had the better story if you was to torcher me for a vote, I would give it to frank.

close one tho but for now v/ frank