[brokenhal0]

Here's the thing some writers on this site are not from the USA and it shows in slang and wordplay not to say it's a negative but for me personally when i read back some rhymes the momentum just stops Or the verse loses its ''hiphop'' edge while sticking to the story and read's like a scene from a lifetime movie and that's not a diss to anyone but I prefer underground east coast NY style hiphop (hood shit) and yes even my favorite rappers from the westcoast or UK tend to rhyme with a eastcoast underground grittiness so when i read certain words or someone writes bars that i would consider (soft) it just makes me feel like nah this shit ain't my style that said let me vote...

Symetrik - While you had a more interesting take on the picture your lack of big words internals and overall rhyme structure suffered in areas..your punctuation and wording are on point and that helps guide me as a reader along ill give u that once again idk if your from the usa but when i read these bars


''Heather turns nervous, arms half unloaded, as an outside siren peals and peaks,
seeking a brass badge for the reason, though she hates the police.
Mostly cuz her mom kept recalling the pig that abused them…
and she’s been scolded enough that she knows when to morally speak.
Out of turn, she retreats her concern with relief.''

words like ''scolded'' just totally kill the momentum it makes me feel like im reading something written by a old english woman..i also feel like you played it very safe the whole story while interesting in it's take never goes beyond the bounds of basic in it's delivery the biggest word you used was ''vitriol'' it lacked metaphor allegory grittiness personality ...but you did have some solid multi's and flow... once again this is some subjective shit so don't take it some type of way.. there are writers on this site who prefer this style me personally I thought cool story just very basic and soft in terms of delivering impact on certain levels it needed more edge or abstraction in terms of delivery... like a writer who is following the structural hip hop guideline on how to write but leaving out there own originality ...it reads more like a movie short or screenplay with flow...

Pharaohs Army - While i think your story being politically motivated was kinda lame in terms that both writers had extensions symetrik wins in the creativity department
but your verse had more of a hip-hop feel to it there was flow
there was cadence it was a bit basic in terms of wordplay considering i didn't read any bars that jumped out at me like Whoa he flipped that shit it was almost as basic as symetrik in terms of how safe it was but i did enjoy the details the imagery and the relevance pertaining to how you kept the story and the picture in line with your initial
concept compared to some of your other written's in the past it lacked the humor and emotion which to me are your strong points in these type of tournaments...


Mvgt -Pharaohs Army ...not by much...it just reads better to me and the concept and plot were easier to work with... symetrik wins in the creativity department if only the momentum didn't cease completely in certain bars you would have won this battle