[Split]

Originally Posted by Whys Ways

you're excused. gay picture. good write up.

thanks Wise

you haven't written in awhile tho

Originally Posted by Just Write

thos was really dope man, i don't get to see too much from you. i'll feed this in a bit after I eat. bump

thanks JW ill find one of your pieces in a min

Originally Posted by Figurative

Strong wording.

The musical references made for much more evoking metaphors. The quoted section is where it all came together best.

That diamond dosed and lump of coal lines were nice. Also the whole 2 stanza was quotable. That Mexico city simmers blue line sat very nice with me. Such crisp wording. Unfortunately I avoided the spanish section, Im more of a white washed mexican myself. I can only imagine the choice to do that was partly influenced by the recently attained tan youve been hinting at. White boys lol.

Yeah but this was tight split. I feel like my feed has been kinda understating how much I really like this. An honestly dope dope piece.

haha appreciate the in depth breakdown.. ill get you back.

nah I love foreign languages/ spoke in Spanish for my job, just fell wayy out of practice.

Originally Posted by zygote

All up to "the moon is luminously bright" was great. Perhaps it would have been stronger to end on corazon. Enjoyed how before that line there was only one use of "THE", when writing in this descriptive style playing with imagery etc using "the" - then an adjective noun seems to lessen writing effectiveness, makes things seem cliche even if they aren't like "the moon is luminously bright". You are really expanding your style shown here, the poetry is great really strong an striking, enjoyed it a lot.

good observations on the poetic front and the use of adjectives.. it was for a poetry competition with a 30 line limit, so I did some heavy editing to keep it under, resulting in concise/ careful wording. I will find the latest Zygote piece, I haven't read one to enjoy in awhile

Originally Posted by E-Thugs inc.

mood is often tone deaf. cigarette spit,
crisply cogent. nope, it's..
sitting slack. gulping flask. fixing to be feeling razzed.
Whitman. Pullman cabs. waltz n jazz, volley of Misty Blue-
tenor, drawling sax. San Francisco valley ballyhoo
who blast different slit-throat trolley tunes.


this shit made a nigga dick hard, don't know wha duh hells u talm bout, but ugggh.

much love tonio