****2023 FEED by TUESDAY
Appears another "dickey" post by me, from years past.
Self-awareness can be a real bitch, as I was not even aware how annoying I was.
@
brokenhal0
I think this old piece is good shit (but not FIRE like your recent!), let's do an out of 10 stanza grade exercise:
Stanza #
1 - 10/10
2 - 5/10 **ehhh bzzz...the wording and styling just seemed so free-stylie and fillery compared to the strong opener that I was "put off" a bit, as a reader, and made the asshole comment few years ago. Not excusing it, just giving you the reason. "whirly/swirly"
3 - 7.5/10 liked the "cut" word/line
4 - 9/10 really strong and clever stanza, that I liked
5 - 7.5/10 again
6 - 8/10 we see the roots of your phrasing/style as you developed into an even harder-hitter
7 - ehh 6.5-7 closer; I thought the final line kinda rushed. not a horrible stanza tho; "universe" rhyme we all know about those
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It's been a pleasure "coming up" as a RIGHTER w/you.
I was just so relieved what you dropped in our Topical competition:
At the risk of swaying against myself, I'm just thinking... FIRE...FINALLY...lol. I can have fun and rip your imaginitive /now FULLY HONED &much better verses...It's like thank godddd: this is gonna sound arrogant, but I wrote a lot the last couple weeks and its just a relieffff to not have to "make something new of my own" to be entertained by-- I've got hal0's shit too now,, so that's comforting...
Thanks for being around, and keep imagining different WORDINGS to make the line/stanza hit even harder!!
TOP NOTCH drop Halo--glad I dropped something with effort & did this week justice.
Peace