Quill - while i feel like u had a better pace that created a beautiful tension in your
first verse with the character dynamic and engagement
the overall vibe of the whole piece after the second verse seemed a bit tame
in terms of how im feeling while reading it... there was a overlying cadence
in the second verse that felt a bit lacking in delivery and some abstraction
which may have been sacrificed to keep the wordplay structured and personal
its subjective but I prefer a bit of immersive verbiage as a reader
overall a near perfect written just lacking a bit in the second verse.
Diablo - great opening you set the ball rolling with aggressive wordplay
and still manage to keep open space for abstraction in your flow
i enjoyed the point of views they are very detailed and engaging
i feel like you and quill tied in the emotional impact I enjoyed
quills tension building more but the simplicity in his second verse shot him in the foot
you created a good story with personal and impersonal reflection
and heavy verbiage though out.
Mvgt- Diablo
|