smod of war:
This seemed scattered. You have an opening couplet, followed by some battle bars with a gay prison line, followed by a verse that calls out universe and also has a reference to candy's signature.
If you're zelph, I know you can write. You are a good battler, and I'm sure if you TRIED could be decent at topicals. So next time make something good.
v/ universe:
You won this one, but on first glance it appears you copied M Night's 'Old' and also referenced a previous Nazi verse of yours?
Your piece didn't do much for me. I mean, good multi rhymes and a lot of dialogue (which is not easy), but I don't know. I guess you lost me on the plot. I'm usually not a dense reader but here? It's an old woman reminiscing, then copying Old on a beach scene where everyone is aging in terrifying ways, then back to the hospital where the Dr. is M Night Shamalan and also a reference to Sophie from your previous works?
Enough for the W here and your technical ability is always there.
Seems like you got a little too cute though. Out-clevered yourself. Simplify your next story a bit but keep that tension and twist.
Have you ever heard of the rapper Sicknature?
Your writing style reminds me of him, with emphasis on the multis.
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