MMLP - Nice rhymes in the piece I like the internal rhymes and how you jump around with the flow. Enjoyable read, liked this section:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by MMLP
as I saw the abyss
with an unearthly focus as I’d swerve a blow,
turn the scope to fall from the brink,
keeping my circle close,
leaving it all in the ring
it caused a rethink, went dipping from the stress
skipping on my legs,
become a motor mouth, driven by success
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The ending of your piece with the mental health angle is cool but also felt kinda forced/corny. It's an important thing to talk about tho, so Ill let it slide.
Pharoah's Army - like the historical take on this piece and it was well researched, but I was throne off by the simplistic rhyming as you started. Hero/zero made me groan out loud. Did a better job of keeping things interesting later in the verse as the story developed. This was an enjoyable read but would have liked to see you push the rhymes a little more.
Vote: MMLP Solid verse cool story. PA's verse was a little too light for my tastes.