Candy- Some poetic imagery in here that I liked. The punchline at the end tied to the topic well, although I felt you could've engaged with it more throughout the piece. I see a lot of potential in your style and this league was the right place for you to grow it. The rhyme scheme could've been upped a little. Use of vocab was generally strong but awkward in a few places. Solid effort.
Clutbuck- Great take on the topic. An emotionally engaging story of something so simple but so important to a new parent. I really caught the heart of this. You put us in the new father's mind and conveyed a tone that wandered between sweet and funny effortlessly.
'She wants me to watch;
I want her to watch out!
The toddlers the boss now, our roles have reversed.'
Had me chuckling. I've got a smorgasbord of nephews and nieces I've had to watch like a hawk in my close knit family at one time or another so i felt a personal connection. Short and sweet. Great job.
Vote- Lars, good effort by Candy though.
|