Bodey- Haunting stuff. You explored the issue of mental illness/sociopathic behaviour and tied it to the picture nicely. You really did a great job of establishing your narrator in just a few key lines of dialogue:
"They’d read us stories, tuck us in, and leave the door open a crack
Bazooka Joe bubblegum with cherry slushies to even out the summer sun"
You made her seem warm and unrelatable just to change gear and paint a picture of someone who was emotionally dead with a fetish for animal torture. Your vocab choice, as ever, was great, although the rhyme scheme wavered in a few places. The closing stanza did the job of bringing this home.
"…Yellowed eyes now blinking empty, my brain sits as a passenger"
Chilling, and the final line:
"that everyone’s got a monster clawing underneath ‘em"
Was a strong note to end on. Good work champ.
Inno- great take on the topic. Heroin addiction right? You took the terror of the picture and went in an original direction. I could relate to this an a personal level (I'm a dry alcoholic) and the imagery you used to describe the mental state of the narrator was dead on (pun intended) to what withdrawal and a self-destructive desire is like:
"My heart melts from the fear, each pump of blood is deafening
I try to fill my lungs with air to billow out the fright but no ones listening"
"I pull my sheets up to my nose and I break down in despair
I whisper son only god can hear me “lord please protect me I’m so scared”"
As Universe said, syllabically some of your lines were awkward, and a few mismatched rhymes. But these are nitpicks in a haunting, original piece. Great job.
Fuck you guys for making this so hard to vote on lol.
Vote- Bodey, just, JUST, edged it. Well done.
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