obj:
i loved the rhyming sequence "gingivitis" and tendonitis". the angle of physical maladaptations of life as a career techie gave it a body, something solid to ground your more abstract critiques of the life you can become trapped in. solid contribution. thank you
ex:
same kind of comment as others i guess. i couldn't really hone in on the perspective you are taking here. it seems to be a criticism of shortcomings of your own life and the foundation upon it rests. it almost drifted on the surface of a social commentary and then skimmed elsewhere. you may have become lost in the rhythm and word choice a bit, or so it seemed. technical elements were there, but they did not carry this topic through for me.
v/objective
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Zack Wicks for president
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