Innovator
Cool little piece here, a pretty basic flip on the topic. I felt like it ended somewhat quickly and abruptly, like it was cut short of what it could've been. That being said, I really dug the opening, in particular the second couplet:
While irate people hoof along the paths carved by centuries
forming a line of feet marching along like aimless centipedes
that was really cool. I think if you're verse had more of this kind of writing in it, it would really kick it up a notch. Still a fun read.
Adonis
That opening bit was real nice. It opens the direction you took the topic, which is also really cool. This didn't blow my mind, but it was concise and it worked well. For someone who isn't feeling like writing, you pulled a nice one off here.
Overall I got Adonis taking it with a more interesting take on the topic and a slightly more flushed out piece.
v/ Adonis
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