MMLP - wot? lol. ok hold on let me reread this. "cuz they're ask upon us to lend to quid" that needed rewording. I can relate to your angle on your topic. I can be a dickhead most of the time, but I definitely have a soft spot for dogs. treasured stuck out a little to me but that was the only hiccup in your scheme. so this guy loves dogs but is too much of a cheapskate to own one? it's almost like, "i got 99 problems but a bitch aint one." but, with an actual bitch.. lol. when i put it that way it's kinda funny. but i'm not sure if that quote was what you had in mind. altogether the rhymes were simple but good, i enjoyed the piece enough to think about what you were going for. interesting read, indeed. favorite lines..
A grumpy person who’s set in his ways
and love's a burden, a threat to his reign,
affecting his wage and the life that he loves.
The pennies are made for pints at the pub
enjoyed your flow the most around this segment. also enjoyed the "every dog has his day" bit.
Rakontur - Ah! So you're a married dude that just spotted a hotty and went for it. I like your last line, great play on words. I liked the description of the "attention grabber," and especially enjoyed the opening lines. your version of "took my breath away" was clever! the "demeaning bust" bit popped out next to "skin shown not quite discreetly," but i think it helped the piece. lady in streets, freak in the sheets kinda vibe. i wonder if the dude left his wife for her? anyway, nice piece. favorite lines..
Her biter sweet nectar, sopping the air
Locking in stares, captivating lids with her hair
She's not perfect but smiles and often
With two lips too ripe, just right to blossom
i know what kind of woman you're describing here. you really made the character come to life with those lines.
/v rakontur took this pretty clearly, to me.. in every way. I might have missed what MMLP was going for, but I did give it a couple read throughs and stand by my decision.
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