Triple – I really didn’t get into this man, the structure seemed all over the place. Upon second read I felt like I got a grasp of the story/ its message and it wasnt as bad as I’d originally thought. Being relatively new myself, I don’t think I have any right to this but honestly using a lot more multisyllabics on ending rhymes, wrapping your pieces in together would do wonders for your flow and structure, its all that’s missing really as your concepts aren’t that bad. A cool twist on the pic but it wasn’t executed as good as it could of been
Spoken – apart from the blatant ‘your and bare’ I wouldn’t say they were spelling errors, there seemed a few bits of sloppy typo’s, OTHER THAN THAT. This was dope, it felt quite cryptic (subtle hints throughout) it was a challenging read. Great concept and executed (almost) brilliantly. Fluent structure, comes together really well at the end. Flow and rhyming was sharp throughout. It’s something I tend to look out for and appreciate how hard it is to execute whilst maintaining a coherent story. Verse of the week contender in my eyes!
V/Spoken…. keep those pens moving guys!
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