Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCSPITZ
I have eight gigawatt, sustainable 5 mile radius, CIA grade flashlights locked in my mountain hideaway. 12 years of chef boyardee and at least 7 weeks worth of whiskey. I have anti-alien missiles that have latent radioactive isotopes ready to activate remotely at my leisure, destroying any entity within an 8 galaxy supercluster. I have vegan belnders made from horse hairs and recycled glass, and 800 pounds of dried, non perishable, FBI-grade kale at my disposal. I have canteens of 88.0 level ph, pristine ice water from an uncharted moon circling nibiru's elliptical gravitational axis.
I have batteries.
I have every show ever recorded on netflix, all stored on one 3 millimeter length USB harddrive. I have to cure to AIDS. I also have my bunker on highground in a himalayan mountain in case I need that advantage. I have 700,00 oxygen tanks. I have beef jerky, 12 cases of fleshlights, and 600 billion pixels of redtube pornography, archived at my disposal. I have infared saunas and 70 mile scope rifles. I have limited edition comic books, and Armenian sex salves brought over by Russians on the NYC coast who only deal in cash. They are willing now, because of my immeasurable cornucopia of supplies. I have wit and talent. I have perserverance.
I have the myriad call of hibernating whiskey barrel dogs biomechanically engineered to survive the apocalypse. I have a natural cooling system being that I live in a himalayan mountain. I have grey alien technology geothermal that can reach my cavernous zenith, apex and pinnacle and provide me heat as well. I have integrity. I have courage. I have 15 chocolate power bars, and 77 unwaxed, indestructible candles. I have journals, pencils and pens. I have grenades.
I win.
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What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.