Deadlion, very descriptive but no strong themes or anything of interesting substance. E.g., crystal clear skies, a cashier in the daylight. You are describing things with great poetic quality but it lacked the reason why you were describing it beyond a simple story. Perhaps, story lacked some other themes or symbolism could improve it.
Pohfig, also used the vivid descriptive but had a deeper concept. Especially enjoyed the comparisons of eating/gorging behavior and consumerism behavior. Also, the themes of self-destructive behavior within society, enjoyed these cynical references to human nature. Voted for Pohfig.
|