dead man - I understood this as a successful man's feelings of immortality; like it'll never go wrong, as long as he's a modern product of bad-assery. Or, he's a regular man who's realizing that life is temporary and he's already feeling karma catching up to him. This verse was minimalistic without being shy on the sauce.
timeless - Stylish and it rhymed unconventionally while still working and functioning as an intriguing verse. I thought you jumped around a little too much, not subject-wise, but tonally. The mood was altered in almost every line towards the end. I think that if you reel the reader in, there's no longer any need for rapid criss-cross action to secure their attention. Overall, cool.
My vote goes to dead man. It was more to my liking.
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