adonis - pretty uninspired flow brah, it was a staccato reading experience that had an unfortunate side-effect of making this seem LONGER than it actually was... the poetic airiness works better in other instances than developing plot imo. Imagery was well-wrought and fastened the narrative as such in it's mythological setting. Overall I'm stuck feeling that this needed to be spun more creatively.
soulstice - your off line count throws me yet again; it makes it read as if there's overdubs sometimes. Not saying it's arythmic, at least not always, it's just, to me, off-putting. Developing this sort of somber tone in a written you can do in your sleep and you handled the imagery with the delicate touch you always apply in such instances.
Hm, hard one... I was tilting towards giving it to adonis based on coherence alone, but I think Soulstice. did a little more visually and creatively so my vote goes to him (her?).
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