Pretty good little piece here man. I've only seen another person on here use the paragraph style lol. But really I can't actually see anything wrong with this. The flow was perfect, it rolled right off my tongue and I actually think putting it in a paragraph was a better idea and worked great for this. Props. If I was gonna give a little advice the only thing I would say is use more creative vocabulary because you have everything else down perfectly. Nice drop man I'm gonna peep your next drop for sure.
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