Certain - Your structure and writing voice scream boring, my friend. You've got an assailant's set of skills too. I want to be able to give you honest feedback like this because there's a slight chance it'll ferment something back into your style you've been missing. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be cohesive ... be artsy a little sometimes. Become weird. This had a decent-to-good storyline and concept, a little Pixar cookie-cutter, and I could sort of see where it was all going. Wording was very solid and rhyme-wise, you can do a lot. Rhyming with a character's name is a copout, I did it one time and Sacrifice called me out on it in his breakdown; I'm following suit. This wasn't good but it also wasn't bad.
Frank - OMG THIS WAZ GENIUS! x_x - but in reality, it wasn't, Frank. Riding the wave of elaborate descriptions and ending the piece with a fancy bow is a hearty strategy, only when pulled off with a deli***y you're capable of but didn't bring to the table here. I'm guessing you rushed it. The Irish Woman and the Leprechaun is a tale I'm soon to forget.
My vote goes to Certain.
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