Kin, your bar at first glance is very simple & straight-forward, but you anchored in some pretty creative wordplay. At first, I was opposed to whole "gangster-appeal" that you kicked for your setup, but the punch created a connected & enjoyable effect. Very well-executed.
Vivid, I've seen a LOT of Brokeback Mountain lines...so that kind of took a lot away for me. However, you did a decent job of flipping it in a new way. Still, I think that if you simplified the punch and made it less wordy, it would've hit harder. Felt it to be a bit forced...
Vote: Kin.
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