CK - I have to be honest... I greatly enjoyed reading this verse but I did not at all understand what the fuck was going on until I read the other votes.. I then went back and re-read it.. I still don't quite understand the opening stanza, but when I got to:
Dirt; amongst most things, courses the canvas I dance with
On madness unanswered, I nurture a virtue with few chances
Of future worth and purpose that hurdle in an insolvent hole of inertia
These volcanic serges now circle my scenery of soon to be certain exertion
Though surrendering all option’s seems as organic as monopoly
I micro manage in a silent rice field of dreams.. properly
Told if I sew I can plough, If I plough I can sift, If I sift I can sit
Away from all of this shit
The story started to come together. The use of imagery I thought was spot on with what you were trying to convey and I felt the defeat in it's tone.
Merc - This rang similar in terms of the feeling of failure with more anger tones. Interesting take on the topic.. I struggled to find a story, but I did enjoy the message and the opening bar was exact in identifying the spirit of the piece.. I just wish I could have seen more or gone on a journey with your characters..
Let's investigate our collective depression;
our connected pretensions and unreflected attention
V - CK
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