Hi Genocide. This was an excellent piece. You clearly have a real grasp of flow and structure, that much is obvious. You also have a knack for writing interesting and original content while not sacrificing the other technical aspects of your verses like scheming and multi's etc. Besides the "props" I also want to offer you one small criticism.
Quote:
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frozen and stiff, eyes wide open like your focussed as shit
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This line felt out of place, and the only reason being was the needless use of a crummy word. Using the word "shit" was a cop-out. Yes we are all guilty of using curse words in our pieces, but this one in particular stuck out like a sore thumb to me when I read it. It just seemed lazy, and like I say, didn't really fit in with the feel of this piece. Besides that small error this was a very strong effort. Please keep these verses flowing in here.