Objective: I usually enjoy your writing but this to me seemed to be a little stale. The different lengths of each line also threw off the flow for me as I was reading it. Also, this verse seemed uninspired. I know you can do better than this.
Sacrifice: This was very interesting. Your writing carried along a unique idea nicely. Excellent use of multi's that allowed to be told instead of rhyming to rhyme which is what I do. Like a bawse.
V/Sacrifice
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