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PancakeBrah · 03-05-2014, 01:29 AM

I really liked 'This was exciting!"

The last portion (the section that started with what I quoted) was the best. You had some weird punctuation and it seemed like you were trying too hard. Some of it didn't make sense because you were trying to be too poetic and some of it didnt make sense because you were too focused on rhyme.

03-05-2014, 01:29 AM	#2
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	I really liked 'This was exciting!" The last portion (the section that started with what I quoted) was the best. You had some weird punctuation and it seemed like you were trying too hard. Some of it didn't make sense because you were trying to be too poetic and some of it didnt make sense because you were too focused on rhyme. __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder