Must agree with the others, it is overly wordy. Some parts were good though, like; ""Don't know what you saying" remarks are insolent
So I protect my game with sodium silicate." Overall, it seems to be just a bit of awkward sentence structure here and there. I am going to take a wild guess and say you are from Scandinavia. This line was odd but also funny in its own way " My shit stay nice like zoo elephant's decadent excrements." Good effort, perhaps just a simple alteration to sentence structure can assist.
|