Quote:
Originally Posted by Scripter
it's all small talk
like small pocks(small pox) it just spreads
an things said be-gin then
to develop an(and) a couple things pop up in your head
and then I'm stuck
I'm guessin I'm in trouble were(we're) not a couple
starting all over again
an once again you say I don't love you and head
up to the bedroom on the double
screaming I don't love you you never did
and I'm muddled
thinking what did I do again dam(damn)
I guess I went and did it again
what did I do with this pen
I don't understand
I was being humble and just socializing with friends
now I'm the devil with horns coming outta my head
I guess I should repent now
an say hail Marys I'll use my tongue when I'm taking the bread
an make my tongue strain to re-frame(refrain) from
tickling the nuns leg
an just intend to resent all that I've said
and read the bible and repeat all that it says
girl your my idle when I should be worshiping Jesus instead
I'm such a whore do(though)
how could I know my tongue foretold the message it read
"I'm watching porno"
that's when I realized I was outta my head
I'm far from normal
when the shits deep I don't wait there like formal people
I'm paranormal I just freeze or just grab a snorkel
and blow fart bubbles ta eat
I'm severing sepal
and decreasing secant in sequence of reference of their steeple
and watch it titer(titter) tatter
with no reason better then(than) the bitter
truth that you stuck your nose in rose
the roots of other tepal
like fecal matter grown on the roof
so you can see it better
I hope Audrey eats ya I'll be adding pepper
ya hear? I'm Seymour
I'm the wolf that led the Shepard
you don't just blush from
the touch in clutch of a deadly leper
shops open the screen door
so you can see more
bones cracking
an('and') her eating what looks like shredded leather
but she's screaming Sey feed me more
and I'm okay with feeding people
because I'm purple people
I'm a beast I guess I'm lethal
like It's my purpose
ta stuff hearses
an rehearse this like Steven Seagal
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vividlyvague
The people eater was purple.
"an her eating what looks like shredded leather
but she's screaming Sey feed me more
and I'm okay with feeding people
because I'm purple people"
Did you mean, "I'm purple, people!" Because that'd make more sense. You see how it changes your statement? As opposed to saying "I AM PURPLE PEOPLE." It sounds like you're saying you are a bunch of purple people.
this was not well written, mostly from a grammatical standpoint.
Look at highlighted text. You had a few more, but you get it.
The story was a little muddy too, as it strayed the point with bad language usage.
I think you get the point. This explanation is droll af.
Write more and read more.
nice try though. Srs.
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I would go line by line, but I don't want to further undermine your efforts and intentions. I think if you straightened this verse up it'd have potential, but this was a tough read as is. My apologies for the condescending first statement I first posted. I can be a prick at times.