the flow was pretty cool. you broke up words in a way so that they rhymed nicely, which is tough to do.
didnt like bits and pieces.
"for what you see is a glimpse in a sea of whats worse" is overcomplicated.
"grip the underside of unaware slates" idk what that means
"How would one be decided on exit??? neither a treasure, neither a nexus.
Neither a medal to be attached to a necklace... yet both worn and vet us." nonsense?
but the intro had some wicked cool phrases and ideas, and like i said the rhyming shows skill. Looking forward to your writing developing into a more natural, relaxed form
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