Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaeo Seru
Ehhh. a little too abstract and random for my liking. you had a few lines that were smooth
"Pigskin. It’s the season for leaving it all on the field
I want gravity to stop dancing and blame it on an old sports injury
I love all my irony pickled. With a light feta drizzled."
I felt as though you could have built a more cohesive platform from the foundations of some of these lines. I'm guessing it wasn't your intention but i believe you could have created something more meaningful and concrete. the flow was decent enough. I was constantly interested in seeing where you would take this next. i'll keep an eye out for your next work
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hey thanks for the feed. I love you bro.