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Old 02-02-2013, 03:02 PM   #11
Split
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hi. the flow was nice.

I was wondering why you chose 27 hours unless you were using a personal experience. I think that's what kind of hooked me on to this. this had a lot of subtle drug references (Allusion to Tame One's M.O.?) which I think is a good literary device because there are sets of emotions and common experiences with drugs that people easily relate to.

mad scientist results from an empiricist's patience
awareness is basic - intuitive, inherent sensation
I like how you relate the idea of a mad scientist to experimenting with ideas and thoughts

Also the lines "you're not entitled to a dawn after night" took me out of the 'we' mindset and suddenly made this piece seem accusatory.. Like a nighttime day dream transitioned to a bad nightmare meets outward introspection

Righteous isolation? There was a lot of despair in this, I'm still trying to figure out the end, idk. Good read.
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