i killed cupid and buried his little ass in my basement
 

I've known you for years, since we were sixteen and stupid
Both believed in cupid; Serene conclusions.
Life was music. closed eyes as i swayed to your rythm
But memories that were, now fade in the distance.
Your ways were sadistic, always playing the victim
But only you and I knew what you portrayed wasn't fiction.
the reasons are vague, but you were strangely addictive
And i was way too persistent with making you mine.
Tie a rope around my neck and hang me tonight
As i ride this roller coaster of emotions and try to cradle my pride
It's only right i confess in a letter & never in person
Where you'd tear out my heart; maybe it would lessen the burden
All this stress and the hurting, the lessons i'm learning
Seem to be exponentially essential in the steps to maturing.
Hopefully apart we can both be a better person
Baby you'll always be in my heart, even though you don't deserve it

Good shit kid. You're getting good

Keep at it

This is dope man. I love this style of writing rather than all the abstract blabber I see on there that has no topical compass at all. This here was on point with a focused thought process. Loved the vocab on this, just overall a great read. props

This was perhaps the best of these short tomes to heartbreak I've read from you. I really liked the beginning, You dabble in cliché quite a bit, which can be difficult to execute. The "roller coaster of emotion" phrasing was really weak, but you bounced back from it. But I do think you'd be better off working to develop your own set of images and turns of phrases instead of working in such trodden ground. You're good at starting off verses well, perhaps because you usually keep things straightforward instead of burying yourself in metaphors that build on each other. The penultimate line bothered me because "we can both be" needs a plural object ("better people" instead of "a better person"), and I think that's one of those instances where even non-grammar nerds would fumble with the phrasing. But your rhymes are consistent and well-patterend, giving you a really natural cadence.

I'm hoping you will be back for Season 3 of the Art of Writing League, which I'll be running starting in about two weeks. Obviously, your personal life interfered, which is completely understandable and worth offering condolences for, but you had a strong run going at the start of Season 2.

Also, if you have time, Split Eight and I would appreciate a vote on our Battle Arena topical match: http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=49829

Your ways were sadistic, always playing the victim
But only you and I knew what you portrayed wasn't fiction.
the reasons are vague, but you were strangely addictive
And i was way too persistent with making you mine.
Tie a rope around my neck and hang me tonight
As i ride this roller coaster of emotions and try to cradle my pride
It's only right i confess in a letter & never in person
Where you'd tear out my heart; maybe it would lessen the burden
All this stress and the hurting, the lessons i'm learning

^^Flames.

Dope read, stay upwards.

deep bro. good honestly. nice reflection. solid rhyming etc to go with it. hard to really give feed on something so personal, can't really say WOW THIS IS AWESOME, or can't really say yo this was wack as fuck.. it is what it is. and i hate that term lol. u did ur thing. good poem steez ahaha. maybe u can show this to ur next chick and she might s ur d for it??

Dammmn main.. this was hot, i mean you crunch out with the pain, like your sculpting out artieries with extreme poetry..

"All this stress and the hurting, the lessons i'm learning
Seem to be exponentially essential in the steps to maturing."

To be true, to be true

dude keep it up :)

Permission to use the bolded part in one of my next pieces requested @Cereal_Killa

dammnnnn straight, get up on it :)

this was pretty good overall... the only line i could really do without was

As i ride this roller coaster of emotions and try to cradle my pride

as it didn't really bring anything to the next line or the one before it... on its own it was just kind of filler. still tho good piece