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FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
all for pretending I'm not the same deal in the flesh like it's cool to call into question if I'm as real as it gets? bitch I don't need your respect and it's easy to tell fifteen years as a vet oughta damn near speak for its self need me to spell it out for you depressive writers and clones? there's a reason I shelved this bullshit, I've a style of my own don't act like what you've wrote is any rawer than mine is I just take the highs with the lows, then put it all in my writing every one has a story behind it that's based within fact I can talk you through five 'em since you haters have asked prayed for my dad one Christmas as I was sat on my own too scared of facing the fact he'd just had him a stroke family, close friends, all there fearing he'd die that's when I wrote the Lonesome Snowman with tears in my eyes. shits as real as you like, I was fucking scared he'd be dead that day but he's a survivor & made sure he was there for the wedding cake. he's careful which steps he takes since the stroke affected his balance grey haired but still friendly faced DESPITE EVERYTHING DAMMIT I still remember it happening, clear as mom losing her mind how many you faggots have seen your own mother institutionalised? staring straight through your eyes not knowing your name - locked away with the psychopaths and the local insane. my father broke down and caved & I wasn't used to seeing that the docs diagnosis had came back as "Neurasthenia" in truth, I feel this had the biggest impact on my life... used to conceal the fact and put it to the back of my mind thinking that by denying it, I'd distance myself from the truth it took a long passage of time for me to tell this to you. you don't know the hell I've been through, or the scars that map out my soul so don't ever assume you know someone off face value alone there's all manner you don't know about me I'd tell if you asked an accident swoll my face, had me feeling like the elephant man let's keep it rap, 'cause for me that was hard... felt like no one would ever look at me without seeing the scars. it took years to discard the looks I was given where my facial features were marked with a hundred-some stitches trust me I've lived it- I just feel it's time my secrets revealed i'm not looking for sympathy either, I'm just keeping it real never needed to deal with this bullshit so bluntly before or seen the appeal in me pouring out my guts for you all always put them in stories and developed them though maybe now you'll look at them all & see I was telling my own... thats real shit rest in peace david adams fuck with me or FUCK YOU... @Genocide |
Hostility good drop do
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Real s@#t!!!!!!
This was a massive improvement from your previous drop chum! :P |
This was awesome man, I feel like I can really relate to this shit now that you came out your shell at bit. We really need to collab on something like this, love these vent pieces
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Not sure how I missed this on my mini feedin' spree earlier, my bad.
Flow is nice, emotion obviously there but it's the openin' that set the piece up for me... all for pretending I'm not the same deal in the flesh like it's cool to call into question if I'm as real as it gets? bitch I don't need your respect and it's easy to tell fifteen years as a vet oughta damn near speak for its self need me to spell it out for you depressive writers and clones? there's a reason I shelved this bullshit, I've a style of my own don't act like what you've wrote is any rawer than mine is I just take the highs with the lows, then put it all in my writing ^^Dope. Good shit man. Stay upwards. |
this is really good bruh. Ol' larsy spittin straight from the heart pullin on thoe heartstrings eh?? can't say i've ever seen you write something like this before. ur usually a real upbeat and positive guy so this was cool to see another side. obv the rhymes/flow/scheme are butter and the way this is written is very likeable and relateable. good one man. cypher soon yeah?
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This was dope just straight dope straight from the heart flowed great loved it man
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lars you really killed it with this piece bro. massively.
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I love this stuff. I like when people open up and keep it 100(or a buck). The execution was solid and consistent and the content was something I know a thing or two about, one way or another. Good job bro. Rtf if you like.
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And...... ghosted
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god shit. well done yo -and seriously felt. thank you for this. your a monster sral. will always have that respect for you as a writer. even if we clash with words from time to time your always gonna be one of the best with this shit. i basically called you out on this because i dig your style and wanted to see what you could do as far as making me feel. this was more for me then anyone else than you could probably understand at the time. like maybe you thought i was just talking shit to talk shit i dont know, i dont really remember how i said it to you. but i do know i needed to read something like this from you cause it gives me inspiration to read the blood stains from a hurt artist who is dope such as yourself and many others around this board. you went in man. know that i felt the entire thing
I still remember it happening, clear as mom losing her mind how many you faggots have seen your own mother institutionalised? i think i dig your style so much cause it reminds me of mine the way you lead up to such a hard and deep line like that one. damnit it man thinking that by denying it, I'd distance myself from the truth it took a long passage of time for me to tell this to you. this another example of what i mean. like just the shit that leads up to this makes it so much more impactful when you get to this point. there's all manner you don't know about me I'd tell if you asked an accident swoll my face, had me feeling like the elephant man let's keep it rap, 'cause for me that was hard... felt like no one would ever look at me without seeing the scars. ..just damn collab has to happen man. |
i respect this.
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Yo this was flames @sraL I'ma still body you in a drink contest and bar fight, all my OCD means is I'ma put an even number of jabs in your throat lol but reallly tho, give me your word as a man that you're gonna get at me when you're here and I'll send you my number and I promise I will show you a good time...as you know, you bodied most people who post in this forum, you the big dog...get at me.
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Pretty much everything has been said already, but I also just wanted to emphasise how good this was! The directness and raw tone coupled with the emotional layers of depth are the highlights of this work. I actually reread it because of how the conveyed emotions stuck with me during the first time, and because I can relate to the content, to an extent.
There were several quotables in this, too many to name right now. But I thoroughly loved the climactical development of your pure inner-self depiction towards the middle section. The closure was also very well integrated and nicely linked to the opening bars. A great read! |
There's very little emotional depth to this. Much of it reads like bullet points for distressing situations in the subject's life. I only mention these things because of the seemingly large ego attached to it.
Your mom went nuts and no one knows what that's like. You got sick and it was dramatic. Your dad almost died and it was scary. Consider your haters put in their place. |
Lmao the self admitted emotionless monster offers critique in regards to displayed emotion. Vintage dullboy.
Thought this was fire. |
lol
Still, I know writing. This was bland. |
Hey Lars, first and foremost thanks for all your help today. You and Sharp are two cool ass motherfuckers and are fantastic assets to your community. now that we got that shit out the way let me check this verse
---- need me to spell it out for you depressive writers and clones? there's a reason I shelved this bullshit, I've a style of my own don't act like what you've wrote is any rawer than mine is I just take the highs with the lows, then put it all in my writing every one has a story behind it that's based within fact I can talk you through five 'em since you haters have asked prayed for my dad one Christmas as I was sat on my own too scared of facing the fact he'd just had him a stroke family, close friends, all there fearing he'd die that's when I wrote the Lonesome Snowman with tears in my eyes. ----- I dont know you from a hole in the wall, but as a writer I thought this segment was dope. I missed out on all the fun that sparked it, but I felt you conveyed a sense of authority dismissing anyone who questions your pen/life. I think it was an Obie Trice song but on the hook he's like "Since they wanna know!" thats the feeling I got from this. or a Jay-Z million and one vibe. to transfer a 'feeling" merely from words is really good writing. scheme held well and your flow was apparent. Good shit Lars. ---- staring straight through your eyes not knowing your name - locked away with the psychopaths and the local insane. my father broke down and caved & I wasn't used to seeing that the docs diagnosis had came back as "Neurasthenia" in truth, I feel this had the biggest impact on my life... used to conceal the fact and put it to the back of my mind thinking that by denying it, I'd distance myself from the truth it took a long passage of time for me to tell this to you. you don't know the hell I've been through, or the scars that map out my soul so don't ever assume you know someone off face value alone ------- I never had to go through that, but I can imagine its a constant struggle. I also liked the wedding cake bit - technically, because it said alot. two words told an entire story. I am a fan of slick subtle hints that paint a vast picture. so far as im traveling on your journey I get the sense that you make the best out of the worst and its something I also attempt to do. really sick read so far Lars. I hope just jotting this down lifted a bit of the weight. ---- i'm not looking for sympathy either, I'm just keeping it real never needed to deal with this bullshit so bluntly before or seen the appeal in me pouring out my guts for you all always put them in stories and developed them though maybe now you'll look at them all & see I was telling my own... ------ perfect closing to a tremendously personal but extemely relatable piece. I commend your efforts. you covered alot of ground in which felt like a short verse overall. first read from you and I can say I dig your style alot man. in closing - technically all the mechanics were drafted well. I think the highlight of your writing style tho, comes from your lack of need to over complicate things. The wedding cake was a perfect example. it was just a quick nod but told so much story. glad to have been able to check your art out. and again, thanks for all the help Lars. |
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