Mike Wrecka |
04-07-2015 09:47 PM |
Quote:
Originally Posted by oats murkel
(Post 474164)
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I suppose you want critique?
I thought it was well written. this part should have been restructured to omit the profanity , " someone just fucked up during the procedure". that doesn't add anything to the piece as a whole. it just reads juvenile and unprofessional tbh.
another thing that stood out was this
" Yet, as I sit here in my classroom across the ocean typing this, I can’t remember the last time I called, texted, or emailed any of them to say anything worthwhile."
followed by in the very next paragraph
"As I sit here, readying myself to go out later for a friend’s going away dinner, a thought juts into my mind."
man your writing on the move. but your sitting. lol . it comes off very disjointed. we really don't need to know where you are as these thoughts come into your consciousness. adding the locations here doesn't add anything to the subject so leave it out. and if your going to use it, don't use it twice. this was most likely an oversight.
besides that it was fairly boring. just a dear diary rant that had no point to it. you didn't use humor. which is ok. you didn't come to any interesting revelation. it was all rather bland tbh.
don't get me wrong it was well written overall. and its awesome that you are expanding your writing into other areas. keep it up.
I do wonder why you left a teaching gig to go teach English abroad. ive known people with high school diplomas that go and teach engilsh abroad. from what I understand they pay for room and board, and food and don't offer much of a salary at all.
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