Small Talk

[Scripter]

it's all small talk
like small pocks it just spreads
an things said be-gin then
to develop an a couple things pop up in your head
and then I'm stuck
I'm guessin I'm in trouble were not a couple
starting all over again
an once again you say I don't love you and head
up to the bedroom on the double
screaming I don't love you you never did
and I'm muddled
thinking what did I do again dam
I guess I went and did it again
what did I do with this pen
I don't understand
I was being humble and just socializing with friends
now I'm the devil with horns coming outta my head
I guess I should repent now
an say hail Marys I'll use my tongue when I'm taking the bread
an make my tongue strain to re-frame from
tickling the nuns leg
an just intend to resent all that I've said
and read the bible and repeat all that it says
girl your my idle when I should be worshiping Jesus instead
I'm such a whore do
how could I know my tongue foretold the message it read
"I'm watching porno"
that's when I realized I was outta my head
I'm far from normal
when the shits deep I don't wait there like formal people
I'm paranormal I just freeze or just grab a snorkel
and blow fart bubbles ta eat
I'm severing sepal
and decreasing secant in sequence of reference of their steeple
and watch it titer tatter
with no reason better then the bitter
truth that you stuck your nose in rose
the roots of other tepal
like fecal matter grown on the roof
so you can see it better
I hope Audrey eats ya I'll be adding pepper
ya hear? I'm Seymour
I'm the wolf that led the Shepard
you don't just blush from
the touch in clutch of a deadly leper
shops open the screen door
so you can see more
bones cracking
an her eating what looks like shredded leather
but she's screaming Sey feed me more
and I'm okay with feeding people
because I'm purple people
I'm a beast I guess I'm lethal
like It's my purpose
ta stuff hearses
an rehearse this like Steven Seagal

[Pakistani Hand Cannon]

i read this once, i say once cause maybe this requires more than one read, maybe not. but if im not captivated enough by the first read im not really inclined to go ahead & read it a second time...

anyway i didnt like it, didnt hate it, buh aint really nothing in here that i can fuck with from any aspect in honesty, just seems like a whole lotta nothing.

it started off ok, enough to make me read the whole thing, but you said some shit that i just wasnt feeling in the slightest

an say hail Marys I'll use my tongue when I'm taking the bread
an make my tongue strain to re-frame from
tickling the nuns leg

I'm paranormal I just freeze or just grab a snorkel
and blow fart bubbles ta eat

like whuuuut!?

wdeva, i read this half-heartedly so i guess take my opinion as such...

#1 be easy

[e11even]

The people eater was purple.

This requires a revision and repost requiting revisits to rate this reeking mess. I like what I thought you were trying to do, but frankly, this was not well written, mostly from a grammatical standpoint. The story was a little muddy too, as it strayed the point with bad language usage. This was an ambitious attempt, apparently aiming at accolade-riddled acceptance and approval. Write more and read more.

nice try though. Srs.

[Scripter]

bump

[Scripter]

Originally Posted by Rugged

i read this once, i say once cause maybe this requires more than one read, maybe not. but if im not captivated enough by the first read im not really inclined to go ahead & read it a second time...

anyway i didnt like it, didnt hate it, buh aint really nothing in here that i can fuck with from any aspect in honesty, just seems like a whole lotta nothing.

it started off ok, enough to make me read the whole thing, but you said some shit that i just wasnt feeling in the slightest


like whuuuut!?

wdeva, i read this half-heartedly so i guess take my opinion as such...

#1 be easy

I can understand if you didn't like the religious pun but the idea was to be sarcastic and play the role of the devil I was portrayed as rather then to be taken literally.

Anyway thanks for your honest feed.

[Scripter]

Originally Posted by Vividlyvague

The people eater was purple.

This requires a revision and repost requiting revisits to rate this reeking mess. I like what I thought you were trying to do, but frankly, this was not well written, mostly from a grammatical standpoint. The story was a little muddy too, as it strayed the point with bad language usage. This was an ambitious attempt, apparently aiming at accolade-riddled acceptance and approval. Write more and read more.

nice try though. Srs.

I am curious what you mean by bad language usage. An could you go into detail about what made it seem muddy to you thanks.
I am always reading and writing lol thanks for the feed again

[e11even]

Originally Posted by Scripter

it's all small talk
like small pocks(small pox) it just spreads
an things said be-gin then
to develop an(and) a couple things pop up in your head
and then I'm stuck
I'm guessin I'm in trouble were(we're) not a couple
starting all over again
an once again you say I don't love you and head
up to the bedroom on the double
screaming I don't love you you never did
and I'm muddled
thinking what did I do again dam(damn)
I guess I went and did it again
what did I do with this pen
I don't understand
I was being humble and just socializing with friends
now I'm the devil with horns coming outta my head
I guess I should repent now
an say hail Marys I'll use my tongue when I'm taking the bread
an make my tongue strain to re-frame(refrain) from
tickling the nuns leg
an just intend to resent all that I've said
and read the bible and repeat all that it says
girl your my idle when I should be worshiping Jesus instead
I'm such a whore do(though)
how could I know my tongue foretold the message it read
"I'm watching porno"
that's when I realized I was outta my head
I'm far from normal
when the shits deep I don't wait there like formal people
I'm paranormal I just freeze or just grab a snorkel
and blow fart bubbles ta eat
I'm severing sepal
and decreasing secant in sequence of reference of their steeple
and watch it titer(titter) tatter
with no reason better then(than) the bitter
truth that you stuck your nose in rose
the roots of other tepal
like fecal matter grown on the roof
so you can see it better
I hope Audrey eats ya I'll be adding pepper
ya hear? I'm Seymour
I'm the wolf that led the Shepard
you don't just blush from
the touch in clutch of a deadly leper
shops open the screen door
so you can see more
bones cracking
an('and') her eating what looks like shredded leather
but she's screaming Sey feed me more
and I'm okay with feeding people
because I'm purple people
I'm a beast I guess I'm lethal
like It's my purpose
ta stuff hearses
an rehearse this like Steven Seagal

Originally Posted by Vividlyvague

The people eater was purple.

"an her eating what looks like shredded leather
but she's screaming Sey feed me more
and I'm okay with feeding people
because I'm purple people"

Did you mean, "I'm purple, people!" Because that'd make more sense. You see how it changes your statement? As opposed to saying "I AM PURPLE PEOPLE." It sounds like you're saying you are a bunch of purple people.

this was not well written, mostly from a grammatical standpoint.

Look at highlighted text. You had a few more, but you get it.

The story was a little muddy too, as it strayed the point with bad language usage.

I think you get the point. This explanation is droll af.

Write more and read more.

nice try though. Srs.

I would go line by line, but I don't want to further undermine your efforts and intentions. I think if you straightened this verse up it'd have potential, but this was a tough read as is. My apologies for the condescending first statement I first posted. I can be a prick at times.

[Scripter]

Originally Posted by Vividlyvague

I would go line by line, but I don't want to further undermine your efforts and intentions. I think if you straightened this verse up it'd have potential, but this was a tough read as is. My apologies for the condescending first statement I first posted. I can be a prick at times.

Seriously do you have any idea what slang or swag is no matter how its on paper it still sounds the same when you read it aloud. I admit I am more worried about the lyrics then the grammer lmao. Also I think you should look up what a double entendre is. You are so anal about gramar lol
you even corrected my "an" which just simply gives it the swag I intended to have on it.
I didn't realize this was an English class m8
also if your going to correct at least know what your talking about its smallpox btw.

[Pakistani Hand Cannon]

I can understand if you didn't like the religious pun but the idea was to be sarcastic and play the role of the devil I was portrayed as rather then to be taken literally.

took nothing literally. more just that the picture you was painting was not a good one. wdeva though

& @ tha nigga on his spell check shit., fuck outta here sonnnn

[e11even]

just obliging HIS REQUEST TO BE MORE SPECIFIC.

And if it was a swag move, be more consistent with your intentional misspelling. I even apologized for being an asshole. smh.

And if ol' girl was the one eating ppl, how were you the purple people eater? That notion completely escaped me. on a serious note.

[Scripter]

Originally Posted by Vividlyvague

just obliging HIS REQUEST TO BE MORE SPECIFIC.

And if it was a swag move, be more consistent with your intentional misspelling. I even apologized for being an asshole. smh.

And if ol' girl was the one eating ppl, how were you the purple people eater? That notion completely escaped me. on a serious note.

The ol girl was the plant

I guess you are too young to understand the little shop of horrors pun

The plant eats people, and Seymour named the plant after a girl he was in love with.

[e11even]

i grew up on little shop of horrors. What I was getting at was, if you're the purple people eater, why is she the one eating people and not you? Are you both eating people? There's just way too much people-eating going on. lol.

[Scripter]

Originally Posted by Vividlyvague

i grew up on little shop of horrors. What I was getting at was, if you're the purple people eater, why is she the one eating people and not you? Are you both eating people? There's just way too much people-eating going on. lol.

Haha the point of the story is that both characters are monsters.

[e11even]

gotcha. i can see clearly now, the rain is gone.