GWL TRIPLE THREAT FINAL: #1 CLUTBUCK (8-1) VS #4 UNIVERSE (9-3) VS #5 DEAD MAN (6-3) (DEAD MAN WINS)

[Adverse]

GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE

@BOOM
@Universe
@dead man

Max line: 50 (Unless More is mutually agreed upon)

Min: 10

Check in: 48 hours after thread post

DUE DATE: MON AUG 17TH @ 11:59PM EST

TOPIC:


THIS IS IT, THE GRAND FINALE, THE LAST MAN STANDING WINS IT ALL

GENTLEMEN



GOOD LUCK!

[dead man]

Hey guys

[BOOM]

lmao sup girl?

[Universe]

Check. :)

[dead man]

i used to be at home

this used to feel like a bed. a theory, a thread
through hypothetical dread. Oceania. mysterious depths
a place to lay your head when paranoia presents. We
slammed the door so many times they left us for dead
presidential pardon me's, apology texts
ravens to the slaughter in a bottomless nest
maiden Mary, daughters keep their blossom in check
married to their martyrs, all our promises kept
satellite and satire newsweek calling their bets. instead
our media is musical. we cop the cassettes
bodega ballroom barbecue our common collective
work fingers to the bone to sew an officer's vest
revolver bang on handball courts as often as not
they watch you from an office drinking coffee and scotch
i grew up where i felt okay. my problems were surface
family death and money loans and funeral services
natural selection makes election dates so trivial
archeology. we excavate our miracles.
it's all behind us
dishes falling off our shelves
scream curses at the wall of China
telling us to be ourselves
and advertising false designer
finally at a tipping scale
the universal card decliner
writing fiction. HG Wells
regretting actions. Oppenheimer.
practicing for combat throwing kettlebells and mountain climbers
prepping doomsday bugout bunkers
fear and steel and carbon fiber
heart attacks, burger joints. call your supplier. Target and Meijer
Jewel Osco is the foodbank of two-thousand-and-ninety
riot smoke and arson ignite. bargaining prices
insulin is half a million if you market it right
this used to feel like playful banter. calm and inviting
now it treats you shitty if you talk to it nicely
our economy is beer-can chicken pasta and rice
we crawl into our margins but we march into fights
harp on overdoses like some artist respite
our genre voiceless spirits going bump in the night
always learned in arguments to call on our rights
but where do you fall when that no longer applies?
my daughter is 9. i promised she won't grow in this climate
culture of violence. repressed emotional guidance
politicized science. polarizing, broken inside
destined from the moment we corroded this island
to devolve into silence. flagship colonial cult
one big experiment that yielded it's chosen result
so it goes. i gave my word that we'd escape. and we tried.
they told us
yesterday, Senate made immigration a crime





dm

[Universe]

Der Tag des Jüngsten Gerichts kommt...

Lineage

"Why?" - Nasuada

"You know why..." - Murtagh

- Christopher Paolini, 'Inheritance'

......

Life ends today, it's cruel how my great Grandma Heidi may conclude
It feels like a confined space of truth as I sit outside the waiting room
TV displays riots in the streets; On screen a news Anchor stews
"We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this breaking news..."
Flashcut to schools, flags removed - I watch as threats to the nation grew
A shadow overtakes my view, "Sophie, deine Urgroßmutter has something to say to you"
I take in my Father's dark features, then quickly move down the hall scared
A mirror reflecting blond hair, blue eyes and my thousand yard stare
Corridors appeared to narrow; I walked up claustrophobic little stairs
Into great Grandma's room, quietly moving hospital clothes from a chair
She seemed mostly unaware - A century of growth letting go before me
With beeping vital signs that resembled an old metronome recording
She opened her blue eyes and said, "Mein Schatz, please don't yell or ignore me..."
"I'll be in hell come the morning, so... Let me tell you my story..."

It was 1941...

We were a song of ice and fire; A long goodnight while over tired
Much like you, I chose to smile as the blond hair/blue eyed poster child
No denying we won the genetic race, yet skin needed to be inspected
And questioned... Dark hair with pointed noses were immediately rejected
Was selected for special testing, long before my old soul had found religion
Blond hair and blue eyes are genetic defects - A mild form of albinism
I'll admit this truth hurts, but I'll bleed out before I dress the sutures
Sophie the web can prove it, I was in a breeding program to "protect the future"
You may know it as eugenics, sure... We were prized for our Viking roots
Our eyes were blue, so I can prove we raped and pillaged just like them too
Forced to take pills and diet, true... Yet we were given the finest food
Bred for primal use and vetted like canine lupus while lined in groups
The rest shipped to orphanages, beautiful kids turned hybrid mutants
Who removed islands full of Jews by making Bermuda Triangles of humans
Leftovers right under evolution, there was no turmoil of course
Peace was preserved, only the racially 'pure' enjoyed the spoils of war
We were 'Lebensborn' - experimented on by doctors with crude means
Then 'Germanized' by ruthless Nazi's to form these blond super beings...

Who conceived...

One second, hun... Let me breathe...

Present Day

Great Grandma laid back, tired; Honesty's the humble past time of sleep
Incessant beeps turned to a constant hum... then to a flatline on screen
My Dad walked in, eyes weeping as he put her under white sheets
Looking unsightly he said, "Now you know why you look nothing like me..."
"When bunkered down we keep cyanide, it's how our kind survives"
"It is within you and those like you that the thousand year reich will thrive"
"NASA left our scientists high and dry, barely learning what we had..."
"The next rocket blast from a launch pad and America turns to hot ash"
"Until then bat your eyelashes dear, you will look pretty when compared..."
That's when my Dad extended his right arm from his neck into the air
This symbol's clear and present danger; His body language consumed my gaze
A statue of strength... I take in my role model's facade and do the same...
My Dad winked, "You're the spark that brings flames - The little wic that blew"
"Plus Hitler's view was of an exclusive race that looked just like you..."
That's when German accents filled the lobby; Dad ran out into the hallway too...
The Nazi soldiers went oddly mute... I guess anarchy doesn't always rule
I heard, "Es ist wieder unsere Zeit! Swastikas will be burnt onto all Jews!"
My final solution was to grab the remote and turn up the volume...

"Ich hoffe du hörst zu..."

(I hope you're listening...)

[BOOM]

A lightning storm likely caused the natural disaster
that scattered all manner of organisms across the blackened savannah.
Man, as a rational animal, chose to survey
holding the flame of ingenuity in his smouldering gaze.
The glow of the nascent embers enticing him
presented a vibrant and new-found sense of enlightenment.
The frenzical fire flickered while choking the air
in smoke that unerringly saw wildlife drove from their lairs.
Hopelessly snared by ferocious forbears of hominid history
that stand, watching implicitly, on the periphery.
It’s a consummate victory for critical thought —
as we pick at the morsels of charred remains exhibiting warmth.
While more nutritious than raw meat, to make us really human
our brains will need more nutrients to aid our evolution.
This stage is key and crucial in our mental development
as increased energy benefits further help our intelligence.
The extent is unprecedented, firing up our outward observants
who now have a burning desire to learn how to preserve it.
Some found that in nurturing the roaring ashen cinders
they’ve a torch to carry in the dark, and warmth to pass the winter.
But sure as man had kindled that first creative spark
the early days in our control of fire still seem a world away so far...



Light permeates the dark.
We’ve a new world in our hands,
learning how transferable heat met its proverbial match.
Early encampments with hearths see us grasp primal stone-flinted weapons
as refined and honed as the ever-growing mind of Homo Erectus.
We find a socio-economic shift expands our horizons
man becomes wiser, language and fire help us adapt to the climate.
Even the barren environs of the Arctic see us planting our flag
in the form of fragmented clasts, ashes from plants and animal fats.
Neanderthal Man’s quizzical mind is larger
and distinctive hydrocarbons suggest we were habitual fire starters.
Tinder ignited sparks that made us advantageous
to favourable mating prospects before dating applications.
The naked flame that nature gave us had multiple benefits
each just as imperative to our cultures development.
We come to depend on it with such frequency that fire
seems as intertwined as leaves were to the vines needed for our pyre.
Our deepening desire to understand may have caused us some injuries
but our awe of its mystery changed the course of our history.
It was warmth in the winter seasons frost bitten cold —
our guiding light shining bright come time to migrate and conquer the globe.
It offered us hope in our darkest hour and became an achievement which
our civilisation would feature in the tale of Prometheus.
It changed how our people lived and shaped our existence
as we became as persistent as that first flame that we witnessed.
We both blazed our significant trails, rising triumphant at last
by engulfing all manner of obstacles that stood in our paths.
The result of our chance encounter was Mother Nature’s doing
but her greatest true gift was the invention that made us human...

[Pharaohs Army]

Ok, as we are well aware of how important these 3 way finals are, I've saved my final high from marijuana for this voting occasion, as I am now out of it.

So let's get to it shall we:

DEAD MAN
bodega ballroom barbecue our common collective
work fingers to the bone to sew an officer's vest

You had a long string of rhymes and then this vowel-matcher, which you have a knack for doing 2-3 times per verse.

telling us to be ourselves
and advertising false designer
finally at a tipping scale
YES. 'Tipping scale' is very bendable here aloud.
the universal card decliner
writing fiction. HG Wells
Very nice.

but where do you fall when that no longer applies?
my daughter is 9. i promised she won't grow in this climate
I like the daughter is 9 rhyme. And then another vowel-matcher of 'grow in this climate' followed by 4-5 good rhymes with that phrase.

THEME?
This is a verse that seems fed up with the world. But in so doing, with a lot of description and nuance.
Technically you're all there, and packed a bunch of rhymes again.
Tone of your signature style. I enjoyed the verse and it is certainly worthy of a Finals showing sir; and has a good chance.

UNIVERSE
A quality German verse from Universe. That whole second stanza was fire.

You may know it as eugenics, sure... We were prized for our Viking roots
Our eyes were blue, so I can prove we raped and pillaged just like them too
Forced to take pills and diet, true... Yet we were given the finest food
Bred for primal use and vetted like canine lupus while lined in groups
The rest shipped to orphanages, beautiful kids turned hybrid mutants
Who removed islands full of Jews by making Bermuda Triangles of humans

Packed a lot of tight rhymes in at towards the end of this quote.

Almost wanted the Grandma to keep telling the story but, as usual you have control of the reader and take them over to present day.

Then your signature twist of the father and son Nazi dynamic.

Good descriptions back in your first stanza.

More dialogue in the third stanza, usually hard to do (for a peasant such as i)

Kept me engaged. Technically sound per usual. You rhyme a lot like Lars but also have some unique qualities in your diction. You seem a born storyteller, and these are often awarded for their difficulty and depth.

Worthy of a finals showing and I believe a better showing than your last couple of weeks if I'm being honest. Thoroughly enjoyed it and it has a good chance.

BOOM/LARS
You went very Lars on this one, for sure. More than dead man went dead man and universe went universe. You know what I mean.
With your detailed knowledge of early homo sapiens.

holding the flame of ingenuity
one of many fire wordplays

frenzical fire flickered
Good alliteration

firing up our outward observants
who now have a burning desire to learn how to preserve it.
met its proverbial match.
we became as persistent as that first flame
We both blazed our significant trails
by engulfing OK, A LOT of fire wordplays!

A lot of fire and fire summary. But again, I learned something from a science based verse.

Technically you are very sound as usual, One of the highlights of this 3 way finals, as all 3 of these competitors really bring it.

This is a good verse that certainly has a chance among the three.

And I feel like I'm at the conclusion of my analysis with still no decision.
2 THOROUGH READS each, prior to voting. And then more reads DURING voting.

dead man has the best aura or tone to his verse, that skeptical yet descriptive painting.

universe told the best story, in his signature style.

lars educated us again, so it's very hard.

All 3 technically sound so it comes to the verse I enjoyed most.

And after considerable consideration that goes to V/ DEAD MAN here.

[Johnny 6 feet]

dead man- Great take man. I enjoyed the nods to the musical and you brought you own take on the image by painting a vivid picture of life in poverty and the rough upbringing. The continual nods towards war and being 'married to martyr's' was an original take on something we usually only see from the soldiers side in entertainment and was a nice touch. Your vocab choice was excellent and not overplayed, the imagery was vivid throughout. Stand out lines:

'revolver bang on handball courts as often as not
they watch you from an office drinking coffee and scotch'

'practicing for combat throwing kettlebells and mountain climbers
prepping doomsday bugout bunkers
fear and steel and carbon fiber
heart attacks, burger joints. call your supplier. Target and Meijer'

Most of the piece was tbh. The flow never fell off and the rhyme scheme was strong. Tying everything to the corruption in politics and how things are changing followed by a great punchline at the end was the perfect finish to the piece. Excellent work.

Universe- I liked your take on this. Tying the picture to the 3rd Reich and the horrific brutality of what was going on there fit like a glove. The story was smooth as usual from you and moved at a pace which was easy to follow and never fell to boredom. A crystal clear set up followed by a clear act 2 and 3. For stand out lines these in particular:

'I'll admit this truth hurts, but I'll bleed out before I dress the sutures'

'The rest shipped to orphanages, beautiful kids turned hybrid mutants
Who removed islands full of Jews by making Bermuda Triangles of humans'

hit hard, and the moral lesson of the tale still applies with what's going on in China with Islamics today. The final lines were a bitter, but inevitable end to the tale. Storytelling is your strength and you leaned on it to produce another strong piece. Well done.

Lars- Well damn, the story of evolution huh? Original, stand out take on this, making science fun like Bill Nye! Your flow was immaculate and vocab was sophisticated but not pretentious. You kept things moving at a clip and the strategic placement of the image was a really nice touch. Creating a break in the text to signal a shifting of gears.

'Man, as a rational animal, chose to survey
holding the flame of ingenuity in his smouldering gaze.'

'Light permeates the dark.
We’ve a new world in our hands,
learning how transferable heat met its proverbial match.'

Bringing the whole thing back to mother nature and her gift to us was a great way to tie up the piece. Fire is light, warmth and inspiration. Just a really nice mixture of philosophy and smooth story telling that didn't overstay it's welcome. Wordplay was good, rhyme scheme did everything it needed to. Strong on every front. Great work.

Well shit, you had to make it difficult didn't you? All of you. 3 original takes, 3 distinctive styles, all well executed hmm...

Vote- dead man by a hair, ultimately I think he had the best overall take on the image and the imagery he wove was the strongest.

But if this doesn't have a split decision in the voting i will purchase a hat, drown it ranch dressing and eat that fucker. That's a promise. Great, great finale gents.

[Adverse]

Alright guys before we even start to breakdown and digest everything I would like to just say thank you for all your participation this year it has been a great league and this match definitely ties it all together I look up to and respect each of you gentlemen.

dead man - Classic black. You’ve had an up and down season at no fault of your own just some tough situations and what not. When you posted so quickly I thought it would end up hurting your verse but I see no signs of rush here. I like how your story remained sort of veiled here, you set it up piece by piece and weaved it together beautifully through your use of language, and the bits of imagery.

revolver bang on handball courts as often as not
they watch you from an office drinking coffee and scotcH

^ stuff like that was laced throughout and I loved it

While the payoff at the ending wasn’t a huge twist or anything I was a fan of how it tied the story together. Loved this part as well

always learned in arguments to call on our rights
but where do you fall when that no longer applies?
my daughter is 9. i promised she won't grow in this climate
culture of violence. repressed emotional guidance

Uni:
I liked your narrative though I think it would have payed off better for somebody with a better understanding of WWII and all the fucked up stuff that happened in Germany during that time, also I could feel your verse being a little barren and I believe that’s because you had to cut over half of your story, what you did was good but I felt like it could have been greater had it been fleshed out a bit more. The rhyming was awesome and the story was compelling, I liked the second stanza and has been said and this started it off wonderfully

Great Grandma laid back, tired; Honesty's the humble past time of sleep
Incessant beeps turned to a constant hum... then to a flatline on screen
My Dad walked in, eyes weeping as he put her under white sheets
Looking unsightly he said, "Now you know why you look nothing like me..."

Was good for what it was but it definitely lacked because of the cut out material imo

Lars:
Honestly Lars coming in you were my favorite to win it all, you have still got it after all these years. I liked your narrative as well as Universe’a but I felt it got a little redundant like maybe you could have widened your scope a little bit more,

A lightning storm likely caused the natural disaster
that scattered all manner of organisms across the blackened savannah.
Man, as a rational animal, chose to survey
holding the flame of ingenuity in his smouldering gaze.

This was a great way to come out swinging, I enjoyed the heck out of it. I liked all the different ways you represented fire and its importance to mankind, but like I said you didn’t give yourself much wiggle room in your narrative I would of liked to see you expand your approach. Flow, vocabulary and technical aspects were all where you’d expect them to be in a verse by you.

That being said, I think you all did an excellent job but dead man was about flawless here, very hard to beat in my eyes so he gets my vote here! Great battle

V/dead man

[brokenhal0]

Everybody put in work but DeadMan was the most engaging lyrically most your phrases kept a good cadence n flow ... Vote .DEaDMaN