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Old 06-09-2020, 07:10 PM   #1
Inno
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Default WEEK 10: Inno vs Johnny 6feet - 6 WINS


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Old 06-09-2020, 11:58 PM   #2
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Old 06-10-2020, 01:48 AM   #3
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Cheque please.
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Old 06-14-2020, 02:37 PM   #4
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The Artist

"An actor has to burn inside with an outer ease."- Michael Chekhov

It's a kind of infection; the madness to reach for the stars
To go once more into the breach for your art
To suffer the slings and the arrows of outrageous fortune
To die a thousand deaths when the camera turns towards you
To stand on stage like a deer with it's head in the lights
With traitor nerves trying to impale me on adrenalin spikes
I put my sweat into the scenery, my blood into the sound desk
It's been a million miles and running but I'm not homeward bound yet
Every line under a microscope, every pause a quiet lesson
Every word; an autopsy to find the perfect inflection
My tears at every rejection, relationships? All stillborn
No wife to wed, no kids to raise; just a part you'd kill for!
Face the death march through the curtain as I'm drawn to the noose
They're hanging on my every word, so please don't call out a letter
To face my firing squad; bullets fired as a chorus of boos
Spare the blindfold, please, for this unfettered go getter
Weariness is my bitter friend, his jokes are gallows humour

"Stop choking on your pride boy! You should've swallowed sooner!
No sleep? No excuse! You're sick? Suck it up!
It's 3 months until this tour ends and no-one gives a fuck!"


I'm searching for the Midas touch; a script minted in gold
The road bears my footfalls so often, they're imprinted in stone
A man must suffer for his art; and of course that's passé
But to climb this mountain I'll flog the dead horse to pâté
This torrential brain storm is the Clash of the Titans
So I'll paint the perfect picture by flashes of lightning
A round of applause at the curtain call; the eternal rush to me
Bloodied, bowed, but not unbroken, I'll still hold up my dream

Last edited by Johnny 6 feet; 06-14-2020 at 04:23 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 06-14-2020, 09:25 PM   #5
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@Johnny 6 feet

Can I get an extension I’m sorry been a bit busy
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Old 06-14-2020, 09:45 PM   #6
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@Inno that's fine man. Have an extra day. Real life's more important.
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Old 06-15-2020, 11:01 PM   #7
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A heavy burden

I catch the glimpses of eyes heavy with judgement
Weighing me down like a thousand anchors catching waves
I climb stairs all day but can’t seem to leave the basement
Its like I’m a corpse wandering aimless through graves
Sifting through expectations trying to hold on to one
But they keep slipping like grains of sand through my hands
I know eventually everything equates to a sum
Although for me it’s like counting to a million with one hand
With sword and shield I march the battlefields of life
Looking to provide, I stride to feed those I lead
Searching through a barren wasteland is part of the sacrifice
But don’t mind the blood, it’s just this soaked sleeve that bleeds
Seeping through the cloth and staining the skin
A reminder to never give in to fears and my doubts
A truth so deep most of us don’t dare to drown in let alone swim
Instead I carry this weight around to make atlas proud
Not realizing how strong I am I pretend to be weak
Letting fears and ignorance dictate how I control fate
Stripping myself to basic instinct until the future looks bleak
At this point the end of the world is not coming, it’s waiting for me and I’m late


You invite me to the table and tell me to take a seat
But then serve me food never giving me a fork or dinner plates
I’ve died a thousand deaths the same on repeat
But the blame is never placed so the sin never burns out the hate
So I stand as a martyr on top a hill of bodies at its peak
Hoping to see a horizon when I wake.....
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Old 06-16-2020, 01:12 AM   #8
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This is honestly a tough one to call and migjt end up based on personal preference in the end, both of you fellas had painted nice scenes and had very different approaches to the picture topic.

Johnny:
Really liked the parallels you drew here to an artist, i don't think people on the outside looking realize just how much of a person's heart and soul goes into making art. It's definitely a labor of love and at times even thankless, and pushing on doing it especially without recognition can definitely feel like shouldering the world. My favorite parts of your verse were:

I put my sweat into the scenery, my blood into the sound desk
It's been a million miles and running but I'm not homeward bound yet
Every line under a microscope, every pause a quiet lesson
Every word; an autopsy to find the perfect inflection

&

Weariness is my bitter friend, his jokes are gallows humour

"Stop choking on your pride boy! You should've swallowed sooner!
No sleep? No excuse! You're sick? Suck it up!
It's 3 months until this tour ends and no-one gives a fuck!"

My only particular gripe with your verse is the ending just didn't feel definitive enough? It was just kinda open-ended and i digg that to an extent but something about it just feels awkward to me idk might be nitpicking.

Inno:
Vintage Inno here, haven't really seen this level of writing from you yet in the GWL but you are a legend for a reason, i liked the vague kind of storytelling here, it felt like a dream sequence being played out in front of me as the reader, good colorful language and just painted an overall nice picture. Though i think your rhyming is kind of (purposefully) spotty and makes it hard to catch a definite rhythm, but there's definitely an underlying one there. Thought This Was whimsical and cool, favorite parts were

Sifting through expectations trying to hold on to one
But they keep slipping like grains of sand through my hands
I know eventually everything equates to a sum
Although for me it’s like counting to a million with one hand
With sword and shield I march the battlefields of life

A reminder to never give in to fears and my doubts
A truth so deep most of us don’t dare to drown in let alone swim
Instead I carry this weight around to make atlas proud
Not realizing how strong I am I pretend to be weak

This was a cool battle and a cool clash of styles so to speak, i didn't miss voting on these GWL battles because they always seem so evenly matched that it's annoyjng in a way. Lol. Anyways for me i was a bigger fan of Inno here, i liked both tales but Inno grabbed my attention more and resonated a bit more with me personally, but like i said a lot of it is preference. Great job to both!

V/Inno
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Old 06-16-2020, 04:35 AM   #9
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Johnny 6 Feet - I really liked this verse. I think it is overall the cleanest and smoothest take we've seen from you yet. I thought the flow was beautiful and I loved the message behind it - a tortured artist, the weight of the world on his/her shoulders, to the point where real life takes a backseat. I can totally relate. That's called loving your craft. The imaginary world of creation is always so alluring, isn't it? You portrayed that nicely here. Also you played a little bit with the concept of expectations... and how living up to them can literally take everything from you...

"Stop choking on your pride boy! You should've swallowed sooner!
No sleep? No excuse! You're sick? Suck it up!
It's 3 months until this tour ends and no-one gives a fuck
!"

I just think you nailed the struggle of staring at a blank page with that cursor blinking... torturing you and egging you on ...

"I'm searching for the Midas touch; a script minted in gold
The road bears my footfalls so often, they're imprinted in stone"

Overall, Ioved this. Well done.

Inno - You brought it too. A little bit of a different flow from you here, and although jarring at first, it actually is rather good once you get used to the cadence. You had some really deep, thoughtful lines as well - a lot of them require a second read almost straight away to fully grasp the meaning behind them. For example, I loved the opener:

"I catch the glimpses of eyes heavy with judgement*
Weighing me down like a thousand anchors catching waves
I climb stairs all day but can’t seem to leave the basement*
Its like I’m a corpse wandering aimless through graves"

As I sift through this, I gotta agree with Adverse in saying this is one of your best efforts so far. Each line has an impact, some more than others obviously, but overall this is a very solid piece of work. I feel like this is a verse full of one liners that happened to coincide and connect at random points... it is well done for sure. Although I noticed you rhymed "hands" with "hand" at one point lol. Liked the line though. And this:

"Stripping myself to basic instinct until the future looks bleak"

Cool ending too.

Super close battle. I'll give one a slight edge over the other in terms of flow, consistency and overall effect it had on me personally while reading it.

Vote - Johnny 6 Feet

Great job by you both. This for sure will be a back and forth battle until the end.
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Old 06-16-2020, 11:05 AM   #10
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j6f, well maybe its a pronunciation thing but fortune and towards you didn't rhyme to me lulz. then i started looking for multies around it to see if it was one of those hanging rhyme thing. anyway, i can tell you really enjoy writing this because it touched base on your real world passion of acting. honestly bro, this was really good.

Quote:
Every word; an autopsy to find the perfect inflection
i think this was the perfect summation of what actors go through. its all in the nuance you know. the flow was dope. There were instances of cliches but it didn't hinder the read too much.
Quote:
No wife to wed, no kids to raise; just a part you'd kill for!
you're married to the sea. i see you, i see you. This was a cool look into the mind of an actor still waiting for his light to go all lime and i love that you explored the valley and peaks of your art. enjoyed it quite a bit.

inno, i don't think ive ever seen a topical verse that relied striclty on the abab rhyme scheme. I have to give you bravery points lulz. i think you did it well because you kind of set it up with a strong vowel sound and some subtle inner multies, which gave the scheme coherency. clever. As far as the content, i'm a bit on the fence here. Its very stale in a sense where i can see someone new to the art would write. basically a soliloquy on lthe lower equations of life. Its been done by pretty much everyone. My main issue is that, there doesn't seem to be a cause factor, you know? like ok, he feels hopeless but like why? its a component too vast to ignore especially when you choose to tackle a topic as general as the "my life feels meaningless" trope. I do like alot of the verbiage however.
Quote:
At this point the end of the world is not coming, it’s waiting for me and I’m late
that was awesome. but then you have lines like
Quote:
Not realizing how strong I am I pretend to be weak
theres a disconnect there. how can you pretend to be weak if you're not even sure if you're strong or in this case, not realize that you are strong at all? thats like me saying i'm pretending to not be a cop when im not even a cop lulz. well that's how i took it lulz.

i think both had very interesting take on the topic but i just felt J6f had a more focus concept that he tailored his writing around.

v/ Johnny 6 Feet

Last edited by Scar; 06-16-2020 at 11:08 AM.
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Old 06-16-2020, 12:18 PM   #11
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Johnny - held together a topic quite well (though I'm struggling to lock down whether they are an "artist" (i.e. painting/etc.) or an actor - maybe both? exhibition artist?). the random transition to a different scheme threw me a bit, but I enjoyed the hangman reference - one of my favourite paper games.
Quote:
I'm searching for the Midas touch; a script minted in gold
The road bears my footfalls so often, they're imprinted in stone
this line was clean af.

Inno - this imagery threw me all over the place. in water, graves, stairs, beach, oof. felt like way too quick of transitions, which led to feeling like a disorganized piece (even though it wasn't totally). not a fan of rhyming hands with hand.

mvgt - Johnny
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