WEEK 4: Bodey vs Blue Bayou - BODEY WINS 5-2

[Inno]

GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE


@Bodey @Blue Bayou

Max line: 30

Min: 10

Check in: 48 hours after thread post

Due date: April 16, 2020 EST

GOODLUCK!

[Bodey]

Lol check

[Blue Bayou]

Check








ing out your ass!

[Blue Bayou]

“The solution to my whole life was right under my nose— that woman, those kids— and I was watching everything else. See, infidelity is one kind of sin, but my true failure was inattention.”

-Marty Hart



looking back..

it’s easy to understand why you always started with me
so much rage, hate. i’d placate but i’d come apart at the seems
or had we always hung on by a thread? is that the heart of the joke?!
never being able to tell the difference is what makes it hardest to cope
we were young & wild. different people when we started the race
then life happened. contrite sadness. my heart up and changed
at least i think it did, i never grasped the rhyme or reason
don’t think it was the time or season. guess i never had a mind that’s decent
crime was freedom and “working late” was the lie you were dealt
it’s hard appreciating what’s right in front of you when you cant see inside of yourself
always thought i’d had you fooled but i’d gave up the ghost
brought home flowers but they were for a suitcase and a note
dark were my thoughts and every day that followed pestered
the bulbs wilting away on the table was fitting for a hollow gesture
but after tenuous months you re-embraced me & passion was gifted
i was elated the act of forgiveness is the tact that you went with
acted submissive head back into business. another case closed
to and from the office everyday speeding down that old grey road
it was during this time you were something of a martyr to me
id learn tho, glimmers of hope observed in the moonlight are harder to see
it was back to long nights at those tragic dive bars
amnesia towards life’s lessons. old habits die hard
not a sprint it was a tumble down the path that tempts me
the straw had broke the camel’s back inside a glass half empty
the pain i feel most isn’t being on the hook for the lies
its remembering the case files better than i do the look in your eyes
cant once recall it being daylight walkin through the door
sure i wish i treated you better, but mostly i wish i knew you more
betrayal wasn’t the only wedge to divide your respect
it was the uh-huh’s. one word answers while you tried to connect
went from havin the best of you. dancing round the vestibule
to cold monthly moments in the same hall. ‘the kids don’t even mention you’
you tried hard. you tried so damn hard
but i was working with the tools the devil’s soul hand carved
chance after chance didn’t matter. i was back in that cold bland bar
chasing something that didn’t matter. another old man scarred
pseudo smirk as the lights go dim. alone in the dark
time will forever be a flat circle. and so will my heart

[Bodey]

The salty ocean air flew inside our window as we drove down A1A
Smoking cigarettes and singing to whatever song you played
I already have your coffee ordered in the cupholder
Iced caramel latte, no whipped cream—you hate whipped cream—
That's why I stick to Folgers
We’d go to the beach and dangle our feet off a sandy lifeguard stand
You’d tell me about your dad and his friend Pete and some other man
How you were just fourteen and had to see the world from a darker stance
I took in the breeze and squeezed your hand, accidentally ashing on my pants
Since that day, I thought that you’d be safe with me
No one else opened me up, but you did it gracefully
Without even trying. Like you were made for me...

The best day of our relationship was actually the worst
I treated you to pancakes, a movie, and Barnes&Noble ‘cause we’re nerds
You’d read me soul-drenched poetry, and I watched your mouth curve every word
I gave you my nana’s rosary, a priceless piece you’ve prob’ly cursed
Happy one-year anniversary? Let’s see how much that’s really worth
After I dropped you off that night, you stopped answering my texts
Your friends had warned me of what happens when you go off all your meds
I jumped out of bed and blew up your phone, got a dial tone instead
No voicemail was set? What the fuck kinda shit—
Suddenly, a Facebook message says: “I wish that I was dead.
“Phone was off but thank God for hot spots, baby, this is the address.”

Turns out, she was never off of her meds.
Motel 6, here she sits on a mutual friend
I stood there, frozen, as if my brain had lagged a bit
Her message to me earlier was a total accident.
Everything about us now had cracks in it
Heart flaking away til there’s only fragments left
Of what it used to be— uncompassionate
Thinking’s a labyrinth of everything hazardous
I get home, kick the bathroom in, just to bash some shit
This fascist bitch almost had me sick, salivatin elastic spit!

As the weeks dragged on, Pompano was like a cesspool of triggered panic attacks
Even the fuckin Target parking lot reminded me of her… I was romantic like that
Whenever I drove anywhere far, I’d refuse any play of the radio
She was a fan of Kendrick Lamar—so was I!—but her juju tainted my stereo
So like twenty one pilots…
…I drove in silence…
I journaled bug-eyed in the night; binge-watching movies got me crazed
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind hits differently these days
Until then, I didn’t know that you could actually sob yourself nauseous
Which is ironic, since this girl used to make herself vomit
As if it made any difference to her waistline before wallowing til dawn
As if she could regurgitate the self-hatred she swallows all day long
People try to tell me that she’s just a sick person who needs a lot of help
But the truth is, she’s a terrible fucking person.
And I hope she never forgives herself

[Universe]

What a surprising battle... (or maybe it isn't) Either way, this is some epic shit.

Blue Bayou - This depressed me. I mean, it was a beautiful topical piece but it made me wonder why you didn't try last week in our battle... oh well. I gotta say Blue, you showed a level of depth here I didn't think you were capable of... (I always pictured you as the funny kid in the shallow end with water wings making fun of people in the deep end.) But I really enjoyed this verse. Technically solid as fuck, some great memorable lines, and a well told story.

Favorite bars:

"it was back to long nights at those tragic dive bars
amnesia towards life’s lessons. old habits die hard
not a sprint it was a tumble down the path that tempts me
the straw had broke the camel’s back inside a glass half empty"

Shit. That last part was fire.

"betrayal wasn’t the only wedge to divide your respect
it was the uh-huh’s. one word answers while you tried to connect"

Real talk.

Impressive stuff, BB.

Bodey - Okay, this is the best I've seen from you in the GWL, my friend. What a cool little story and amazingly well told. I can tell you brought some personal shit into this as some of these lines really hit home.

"I jumped out of bed and blew up your phone, got a dial tone instead
No voicemail was set? What the fuck kinda shit—
Suddenly, a Facebook message says: “I wish that I was dead.
“Phone was off but thank God for hot spots, baby, this is the address.”

Loved this part. So casual. Which is always impressive in rhyme form.

"So like twenty one pilots…
…I drove in silence…
I journaled bug-eyed in the night; binge-watching movies got me crazed
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind hits differently these days"

Phew. I mean, what can I say? Some powerful stuff here. (Great movie btw).

I think what stood out the most for me here is how you were able to portray jealousy. How it can eat someone from the inside... and how love, even an old expired flame of it, can still burn you down.. ESPECIALLY if the love in question is a one way street... Heartfelt, touching, real... I loved this, Bodey

Now the hard part. Who wins? Hmm...This is a battle where both parties have legitimate rights to the W. My brain is telling me Bayou... my heart is telling me Bodey. I think, to be fair, the one thing we can take from this topic and your two verses is... be careful in trusting your heart. Sometimes it's better to be a little colder and more calculating to avoid the pain of opening yourself up... But damn it sucks.

Vote - Blue Bayou

(Please don't hate me Bodey)

[Pharaohs Army]

Wowsers.
Arguably BOTW here even with other heavy hitting topical battles going on.

Again, ultra tough because Blue wrote a technically splendid masterpiece here, but Bodey's verse gave me the feels and hit more emotionally with me.

So Blue closes on a nice 3 syllable multi:

Originally Posted by Blue Bayou

you tried hard. you tried so damn hard
but i was working with the tools the devil’s soul hand carved
chance after chance didn’t matter. i was back in that cold bland bar
chasing something that didn’t matter. another old man scarred
pseudo smirk as the lights go dim. alone in the dark
time will forever be a flat circle. and so will my heart

Which really isn't even the highlight because the WHOLE PIECE is tight structurally. Don't want to dismiss the emotion in this either. As the "distancing" is palpable with this couple throughout.

Gonna go back and forth here:
Then Bodey, not to be outdone, with some technical splendor of her own in this particular stanza

Originally Posted by Bodey

Turns out, she was never off of her meds.
Motel 6, here she sits on a mutual friend
I stood there, frozen, as if my brain had lagged a bit
Her message to me earlier was a total accident.
Everything about us now had cracks in it
Heart flaking away til there’s only fragments left
Of what it used to be— uncompassionate
Thinking’s a labyrinth of everything hazardous
I get home, kick the bathroom in, just to bash some shit
This fascist bitch almost had me sick, salivatin elastic spit!

BARS!
the final line has some phrases that are reaches, but still impressive.

Truth be told I was a little confused as to what the malady was of the girl, since she wasn't off her meds. I guess just being crazy and reckless and distant.

Another tossup, which is saying something about this week in the league.
I've done this before and I don't feel good about it.
"This" being voting against a verse which is better technically. But I'm not voting against Blue so much as rewarding Bodey for her hard hitting verse.
AHHH I feel dirty V Bodey in the upset

[MMLP]

Blue – This writing is top notch, I was expecting another ’battle’ but you come out that comfort zone and delivered a real emotion piece here, everything hit, its feels natural too whilst maintain your patterns.

but after tenuous months you re-embraced me & passion was gifted
i was elated the act of forgiveness is the tact that you went with
acted submissive head back into business. another case closed
to and from the office everyday speeding down that old grey road
it was during this time you were something of a martyr to me
id learn tho, glimmers of hope observed in the moonlight are harder to see
the straw had broke the camel’s back inside a glass half empty – crazy

I don’t have really any big problems with it, weird!
Great spin on the topic, didn’t neglect it, very witty, smooth writing and well paced, ending didn’t quite stick but it wasn’t designed to and it didn’t need to. Its real good


Bodey – Pretty much a contrast to blues with a man full of regret and opposed to yours of a man with no remorse, almost different sides of the coin, made it a perfect match up really

always said technicality doesn’t bother as much if the story is good and keeps me going, this is a classic example, it isn’t a smoother read as blues and dragged a little longer, on preference (certainly) that and only that could hurt u here imo.

You really bring this guys emotion into view here, its always boring when people be dim and graceful after their shortcomings, say they hope for the best etc but everyone has that bitterness in them and you exploited it real well here (towards the end), angle is never highlighted enough. Creative

The best day of our relationship was actually the worst – this line was dope purely cuz it got me enticed from there, not really sure why lol. Just profound simple little lines like this and that open things up n draw u in.

As if she could regurgitate the self-hatred she swallows all day long - nicceee

neither ending stood out here, although both fell to their natural path, as designed

not trying to come full circle but this is the toss of a coin… I don’t wanna put either up and down tbh, BOTW contender

Not mad at either winning this…. fuck ill v/Blue since I have to, (unlucky to catch blue like this bodey)… had me engaged that bit more, surprised me with his ability to switch to this format

[Scar]

blue that was dope. what i took most from this verse was the internal conflict of the character. it was very well illustrated. the wording really made the character and dilemma come to life. i was fucking with these line - "to and from the office everyday speeding down that old grey road"
"the bulbs wilting away on the table was fitting for a hollow gesture"
"the straw had broke the camel’s back inside a glass half empty"
"its remembering the case files better than i do the look in your eyes"
it illustrated, perfectly, a guy who's unhappy because he can never accept his predicaments, forcing something that is unnatural to him. there were some lackluster moments. i felt that some lines were a little too long. I do that too and have to believe that the way you wrote it is not the way it should be read. im familiar with that. overall good stuff my man.

lulz the first line reminded me of vanilla ice. "so i continue to A1A beachfront avenue!!!" ha ha. anyway, this was a gut-wrenching story. I hope its not true, bodey. the opening was very relatable. you effectively illustrates the carefree nature of their relatiship which was very important to the rest of the verse. I also love how you alluded to sexual abuse but never outright say it, allowing it to kind of situate itself in the back of the mind as i'm reading. It gave the verse and the change of events rhyme and reason to me. it also point to a very understated poignant component of a relationship, that feel that your significant other will be safe with you, satisfying that need to be the protector which heightens ones emotional response for lack of better word. It was awesome. of course the story took a cynical tone. I really like the details and the way you set up the accidental message. that was very clever. only flaw i can really say is that at certain junction of the verse, it went like long line style. but even then, it was justifiable in that it was a moment of heighten emotion reflecting on this angry run-on but luckly they were reinforced with some rhyme tricks.

this is a very close battle but i think i will cast my vote to bodey. I think they both had strength in the emotion department but body story had more intrigue and it took me for a ride as a reader, not just emotionally but story wise a well. good job both of you. thanks for the read.

[Diablo]

Oh shit, where did this come from? Surprise BOTW contender for sure. Let’s get into these quick...


Blue Bayou: This is probably the best topical verse I’ve seen you produce so far. This is the Blue we needed to see against Uni for sure, we all know you have it in you. The text battle prowess is still there, it creeps in on the occasional line like this one:

it’s hard appreciating what’s right in front of you when you cant see inside of yourself

I fucked with the rhyme scheme as well, you adapted really nicely to this format with the internals and so forth on display. The closing line was really a clincher, I loved that, and again I call back to your text battles because I think if anyone knows how to land a line with a pay off - it will be you. This was fresh. I’m impressed and glad you did it.


Bodey: I loved this right off the bat:

I already have your coffee ordered in the cupholder
Iced caramel latte, no whipped cream—you hate whipped cream—
That's why I stick to Folgers

I think it was a deft touch, but these small details are what lift the characters from the screen and into the readers minds. Titbits you can connect with and relate to on a different level.

I enjoyed the more lighthearted and comedic lines scattered throughout like this one:

Happy one-year anniversary? Let’s see how much that’s really worth

I found it quite acerbic, but I enjoy the dark humour utilised in it to be honest and I tend to use it myself.

The Eternal Sunshine line was another dope touch too I felt, very good writers voice to keep it conversational sounding throughout, I almost felt like “one of the girls” on the other end of a FaceTime call hearing you bitch about this chick. Lol. That’s intended in the most pleasant way possible, of course. So, let’s look at what we have here; Blue had the better verse for me in terms of technical prowess, the mechanics, the rhyme scheme etc and I did especially love his closing line (among others). Bodey has a great writers voice and her characterisation was spot on here for me, I became drawn in to it, emotionally I felt invested as a reader which is difficult to pull off and she had a lot throughout that I enjoyed enough to quote - there were several spots in fact, about the same as I did on Bayou’s. I found that I enjoyed the final third of Blue’s more than I did Bodey’s, only because it seemed to come to somewhat of an abrupt end for me, kind of like the phone call ended “Okay, I gotta go now. Bye.” and left me wanting a little more in the way of resolution. I WANT THE DETAILS ON WHY SHES A TOTAL BITCH, GIRLFWIEND!!!! Nah, I’m just kidding there, but yeah this one is close as the votes suggest. I’ve held back to give it a couple of reads and digest fully first before voting, and I think in the end the fairest thing is to call this a draw. The technical skill displayed by Blue here appeals to me personally because I’ve a tendency to write with a penchant for rhyme schemes and flow, but that’s not overlooking any of the attributes Bodey brought to the table for me either - if you look at what I had quoted, she was right up there with him. Head to head, toe to toe, and awarding one of them over the other when both excelled in different areas feels wrong. That’s how close this one is, in a battle like this you can only try to poke holes in what both have done to determine who you felt did it better. I don’t think that’s fair on either of you. You both wrote out of skins this week and it deserves full credit in next weeks magazine. This was a marker put down by you both, you should be proud.


Keep those pens moving!

[Adverse]

As has already been stated, this was an amazing battle. I wrote this one off in predictions in this week's mag, after Blue's troll of Universe last week and his rescinded verse against NYC I thought he was finding elaborate ways to troll us. But man like i said i knew you could write something totally dope topical wise if you just got to it, this was fantastic! I liked how your topic mirrored the picture all the way down to the "you tried hard you tried so fucking hard" your narrative was great, and you had some awesome imagery and some great one liners

"it was during this time you were something of a martyr to me
id learn tho, glimmers of hope observed in the moonlight are harder to see
it was back to long nights at those tragic dive bars
amnesia towards life’s lessons. old habits die hard
not a sprint it was a tumble down the path that tempts me
the straw had broke the camel’s back inside a glass half empty"

"dark were my thoughts and every day that followed pestered
the bulbs wilting away on the table was fitting for a hollow gesture"



Stuff like that just gets me in a topical bout, just great emotion and what not throughout. Your flow on here was impeccable you were effortless transiting from one line to another, it was nothing to you. I loved the way your story progressed it was paced well and honestly Blue you surprised me here and i was thinking that you might win off that alone

BUTTTT

Then comes Ms. Bodey who up to this point has given us half baked verses in this league that had a lot of potential and maybe a lot of amazing content as well but never really manifested as a "complete" narrative. You can tell that she took her time here and really poured her heart into this one. I loved how we saw this relationship progress from the puppy love stage to kind of stagnancy to the breaking point, it really resonates when you've been in a relationship like that. I think in that way your verses are sort of like dead man's because they usually hit that nostalgic vein, you really know how to keep your reader's attention and hit them things that they can feel as well as see.

"Until then, I didn’t know that you could actually sob yourself nauseous
Which is ironic, since this girl used to make herself vomit
As if it made any difference to her waistline before wallowing til dawn
As if she could regurgitate the self-hatred she swallows all day long
People try to tell me that she’s just a sick person who needs a lot of help
But the truth is, she’s a terrible fucking person.
And I hope she never forgives herself"

I loved this conclusion. There was so much emotion in it all the way to last word. Those last two lines were stupid good in my opinion, just liked the fact you weren't going to let her disorder justify the fact that she's a totally shitty person in general. Really really good piece proud of you this week kid!

This is definitely battle of the week thus far in my eyes. So much to be said for both sides and i could easily play the tie card and leave with a clear conscious but unfortunately somebody has to lose. Blue really blew me away, i was not expecting such a great verse but Bodey also blew me away, I've been well aware of what she is capable of for awhile but I've been waiting all season for something like this, it's really close guys but

V/Bodey

[Ender]

Blue Bayou
I found this piece to be thematically interesting. It's a more nuanced take on the 'cheating partner' story than I usually see. It was a deep dive into the character of the cheating partner, with a sense of inevitability to his actions, given the flaws of his character. The little details added to the realism and sadness of the piece. I would have liked the wife character to be a little more fleshed out, though I understand the constraints of the time limit. The piece was effective at conveying a mood, but the story seemed to deal in more muted emotions, which may have been the point, but prevented me from being completely engaged. I thought it was a well written piece over all with an interesting take on a familiar topic.

Bodey
Interestingly, this verse was also about cheating on a partner. You both used the same picture for inspiration, so I suppose it was not that unlikely. You chose to tell your story from the point of view of the person being cheated on, which made me sympathise and empathise with storyteller a lot more. Also, your piece included a lot of specific details, which made this feel like the story of a real relationship rather than a general archetype. There was also an emotional current through the writing, that spent time on the highs and the lows. I particularly liked the ending. It would have been very easy to have the storyteller be magnaminous and forgiving, particularly due to the issues the cheater was facing, but it made the storyteller feel more realistically flawed that they did not and have not forgiven the betrayal. The vengeful feelings that did not end made the stakes of the story higher in retrospect, in my view. This was a strong piece.

This was an interesting battle, in that some ways both of you were telling a version of the same story. For me, it came down to the fact that I felt that Bodey's storyteller had more depth as a character, so I connected more with the story. Both pieces were very well written though.

Vote - Bodey

[Inno]

this was an outstanding battle. I knew putting you 2 together would produce some dope shit. blue man this piece was well written and thoughtful. it never stumbled and the flow of your words made the progression of the story come easy. gonna be honest I thought when she gave you a second chance the story would end with her cheating on you and you some how getting retribution. but you didn't do that which I thought was brave, you didn't let your character escape his punishment. well done broski.


bodey this was some dope story telling. bursting from the seams with radiant emotion and passion if I'm being completely honest. I enjoyed how you described what made you fall for her in the first stanza. the switch in how you felt about her was well written and helped the story flesh out. honestly I loved the passion you had in this one, seems like it written from a personal perspective which adds to the value of the piece for me.

this was a tough one. they both dropped great pieces and its toss up if could I vote a draw but I gotta with bodey by slight margin. slight!

BOTW!!

[Inno]

Bodey wins 5-2