10-07-2015, 03:59 AM | #1 | |
Something Else
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 403
Battle Record: 1-2
Rep Power: 4138035 |
Dullahan (CLOSED. DON'T POST HERE FAGGOT)
Quote:
a horse black as the plague, eyes burning, a violent sublime. His head under one arm, but the horseman swings a bucket, painting everyone in blood, remorseless, he reaps injustice. For days and nights, trotting from city to city, idol dedication, when he halts, somebody will quit breathing, final destination. The children of Ireland fear the sound of hooves on the gravel, praying for the silence, their bound by books of his travels. If he comes around, hope he never mentions your name, otherwise look out... somebody's already digging your grave. He's immortal, but if you've got gold make sure to wear it, because nothing touches the soul like the worth they cherished. Maybe he used to be a king, or maybe a poor rover, or maybe wedding rings remind him of a warm shoulder. Reminds him of life and how it was before the possession, before the ride became his source of aggression. He's not a figment of Halloween, he's a limitless demon, collecting hollow screams from spiritless regions. Searching the land for something beautiful, but if you see him, plan a touching funeral. He's a rider of the storm, the devil's favorite pet, everyone is warned by being painted red. If you see him, make sure to show him vast riches, or else the demon will become your last witness.
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Last edited by Dearg; 10-07-2015 at 04:06 AM. |
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10-07-2015, 05:45 AM | #2 |
...DA GAWD...
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I will get to this in the am bruh
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WP Po'ethics |
10-07-2015, 04:40 PM | #3 |
Something Else
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 403
Battle Record: 1-2
Rep Power: 4138035 |
bump
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10-08-2015, 03:17 AM | #4 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14
Rep Power: 0 |
dope.. very nice syllabic structure/flow/&rhymes
personally i disliked the violent sublime phrase... seemed like a force for a rhyme, unless i'm missing some meaning of that phrase. Even if it means what i think it means-- don't like it there... everything else I'm a big fan of.. especially liked how you speculated on what he used to be / why gold is his achilles heal.. Maybe he used to be a king, or maybe a poor rover, or maybe wedding rings remind him of a warm shoulder. Reminds him of life and how it was before the possession, before the ride became his source of aggression. nice. first two lines here "speculation", 2nd two lines a "rhythmic summary", so to speak. He's not a figment of Halloween, he's a limitless demon, collecting hollow screams from spiritless regions. dope couplet Searching the land for something beautiful, but if you see him, plan a touching funeral. straightforward and (to me) funny. i like that rhyme a lot lmao kind of an example where a simple adjective works well... if "not liking" violent sublime but "liking" touching funeral makes it seem like i'm sending mixed messages, sorry, it's just the way i see it. Guess I would say(in my view),in one instance it didn't work, but in another it worked well. |
10-08-2015, 04:17 AM | #5 |
Something Else
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 403
Battle Record: 1-2
Rep Power: 4138035 |
Glad you liked it man. Releasing a series of these. One will be with Witty, another will be with Godcomplex. Who knows about the rest. Hit me up if you're interested.
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