01-22-2014, 09:42 PM | #1 |
nok Su kow
Join Date: Jan 2013
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buy me a drink and we'll talk
.….…old shit
this bar whispers, 'down the hatch' as my scars shiver i could drink the dead air of this harsh winter the feeling is fertilizer to this yard's blister charges litter, it'd turn a passionate heart bitter too late to start with her, fill my casket with hard liquor if i black out early, obviously it gets dark quicker speed racer, i see tracers as the stars flicker why so redundant? always breakin' the bandage smother face while my medication's taken advantage had a soul, shaven capsules are savin' it frantic submerge the cup in spiked punch like raisin' atlantis time to sleep walk, i'm sick & tired of stayin' stagnant stapled eyes paint abrasive lies which haze the canvas pass out in odd positions.. fevers are dirty pals to me frost bitten underneath this freezer burnt reality i'll quit the sauce when this tequila worm paddles free.. loader, he's back - at the drop of a lime ready to overreact co-dependant lover, better hope your plead's matched what a grand dish, pants piss, cans whisk..banished.. from sober oblivion before the broken seam's patched puzzeled victims, irregular alcoholic spewin' troubled wisdom mouth puddle's drippin - fresh case, only a couple missin' slept filthy, pled guilty to a life sentence of double fistin' light relationships & stiff sadness, bliss comes with baggage 'you gonna take that last swig?' addicts, FORGET MATTRESS lets see how long this pension spends, with expensive trends misplaced arguements extend to where constant tension blends ...just me and my fermented friends passed me drinks but didn't say how to control 'em.. when the mechanics breakdown, copy & paste clouds waterfalls are my escape route, bottom's up in great style can't recognize my face now, unwanted memories i take out called for the same foul, snuck danger into the safe house what if our ears weren't really made to embrace sound? just ways around the waste found whenever you say ouch.. its far fetched like idle bar threats & all the credit card debts my scarf's dreched in vodka droplets & energy sparks stench tidy up my knapping place, also known as a park bench should of seen this coming, i mean i was delt these cards bent dudes pitiful..bottles gone, just bruised inners stricken, with huge jitters.. wheres the nights filled with cute strippers wearing blue glitter? every excuse withers, opposite of self-induced quitter ..now i'm gonna die if i don't get new liver
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01-23-2014, 11:10 AM | #2 |
............
Join Date: Jul 2013
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this bar whispers, 'down the hatch' as my scars shiver
i could drink the dead air of this harsh winter the feeling is fertilizer to this yard's blister charges litter, it'd turn a passionate heart bitter too late to start with her, fill my casket with hard liquor if i black out early, obviously it gets dark quicker speed racer, i see tracers as the stars flicker why so redundant? always breakin' the bandage smother face while my medication's taken advantage ^^Nice shit. i'll quit the sauce when this tequila worm paddles free.. ^^Slick. puzzeled victims, irregular alcoholic spewin' troubled wisdom mouth puddle's drippin - fresh case, only a couple missin' slept filthy, pled guilty to a life sentence of double fistin' ^^Likin' that. Tight stuff man...old or not it's good to see a longer length piece from you, there's some great imagery and creativeness here...word usage is also nice with it.I could of quoted more and/or different sections but what I did I was feelin' most, great read bro. Stay upwards. |
01-23-2014, 12:37 PM | #3 |
PROVEN BITER
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Champed - The Winter Topical
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lot to quote in this, staple eyes etc line was nice
as what a lot of @Exis quoted was I felt the copy paste clouds down to snuck danger in the safehouse section too inspired me to write a quick something kudos, good sir!
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01-24-2014, 03:26 PM | #4 |
Senior Member
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This was straight tight, Sound like something you can play bartender or in the club.
10/10 |
01-25-2014, 04:18 PM | #5 |
rhyme capsule.
Join Date: Sep 2018
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vintage wise though.
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01-25-2014, 04:45 PM | #6 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
that girl is very naughty, but I am very fond of Miss Salpa (previous gif) though her syrup expenditure was really uncharacteristic of her, I remember viewing the actual video and it seemed fun. Big baby going to meet miss salpa and tell stories about how there was a gif on an obscure hip hop forum by some guy who i like with sisters that are easy on the eyes which isnt really common because everyone who likes hip hop is ugly, but that isnt the case since they're HIS sisters. Anyway, the wording within stanzas that incorporated relative schemes were a bit vanishing. By that I mean the wording wasnt really there in a cognitive sense, you predicted wording by the direct command of your style which is rhyming syllables in tightly wound packages. You stimulated the crowd by subjugating a certain part of your magic, and transferring it very quietly, bar after bar, after bar. The abstract turn of copy and paste and modernist approach of semblance in that area was refreshing opposed to common mechanic breakdowns as "i felt so insane" which many writers in the om seem to do to try and express themselves fruitfully without losing their identity but seeming original, which you do. I read one of your verses copypat posted to me on aim, and it was very good. A piece, more of a flex piece, and I couldnt tell it was you, but I was impressed by a different ability you showed. So I know you're not just abstained to this, but you can expand. This writing was cool, and I'd agree with oxus when he says 'vintage' it is very vintage you. Keep it up. thanks
when the mechanics breakdown, copy & paste clouds waterfalls are my escape route, bottom's up in great style copy and paste clouds was on the more abstract end of your aura. I read bits and pieces of this. I realize you actually churn out a lot more than people take notice of, even if verses are relatively older, or refined. |
01-25-2014, 10:39 PM | #7 |
Member
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Wow man, im impressed. This piece screams experience.. You used a variety of complex schemes and held on to a flawlessly solid form throughout the entire piece. The vocab you used was also very fresh and exciting
"this bar whispers, 'down the hatch' as my scars shiver i could drink the dead air of this harsh winter the feeling is fertilizer to this yard's blister charges litter, it'd turn a passionate heart bitter too late to start with her, fill my casket with hard liquor if i black out early, obviously it gets dark quicker speed racer, i see tracers as the stars flicker " ^ I love that man.. very deep and very fresh. Bravo
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01-28-2014, 08:06 AM | #8 |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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copy paste cloud and tequila worm paddle free were the stand-out lines for me.
mouth puddle's drippin - fresh case, only a couple missin' slept filthy, pled guilty to a life sentence of double fistin' light relationships & stiff sadness, bliss comes with baggage 'you gonna take that last swig?' addicts, FORGET MATTRESS dope staccato rhythm (at least how i read it. like choppy but in a good melodic way) as always, crisp wording. Enjoyed the verse overall a lot, can't tell how old it is if it is a repost. I think your tourney drop spoiled me, cause in the introspective/ freewrite/ vent category almost everything *works* together by nature... unless you got some seriously bizarre wording/ tone issues. In directed topical competition, it suddenly becomes mad important how your stuff works together and what kind of picture you paint. And you made a seamless transition like it was nothing lol. Anyways, js that your style definitely appeals to character sketches and other topicals in a way that almost isnt fair to the competition.. and its evident here (enjoyably). fuck, im rambling. i feel like im thinking to myself in animorph speech from the otherside of a k-hole. Keep an eye out for that collab. Keep keyin.
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