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Answer · 02-27-2019, 06:46 PM

The underdog but never the fan favorite
What good is jumping off if your head hit the damn pavement?
I'm on a bridge with a message from van halen
Like "God, I'm pickin hell instead of this damn nation"
Addicts all around you - some regular anne frank shit
Kids moving bricks is better than grand masons
Ask em if they'd kill you for benny & grant faces
They all would... nah gipetto you can't raise 'em
They know the right band will get her to dance naked
Be it the right jam, a wedding, or cash payment
The 5 keep em running like presidents campaigning
Whoever said the ghetto was better than plantations
They all talking shit, I'm forgetting the damn language
I been trynna find a rosetta for translation
Lean in the shot like kevin durant fadin
Red in the damn face - yosemite sam wasted

DMS · 02-27-2019, 11:48 PM

Good shit

Exis · 02-28-2019, 08:55 AM

Raw bro...Think your wordin' could be tinkered with, but only slightly from a readers perspective so the flow is more catchable...I caught it, just sayin'.

Stay dope brethren.

Blas · 02-28-2019, 08:58 AM

dope, could fuck with the flow especially throughout the second half

sral · 02-28-2019, 10:34 AM

I’d nitpick over using damn twice in the first four end rhymes, but that’s just me being a perfectionist no good asshole that would never rhyme that tbh lol

I ain’t hating though, this was good

Beginning was better to me than the latter half of it preference wise but I don’t like judging stuff for tracks like I would text pieces, the two are different beasts to me and I write nothing like I would in text for actual songs lol

Record it bruh

02-27-2019, 06:46 PM	#1
Answer He / Him / His Join Date: Oct 2013 Posts: 1,675 Battle Record: 20-1 Champed - Summer Classic IX - Netcees Battle League - Fight night 15 Rep Power: 12534702	16 The underdog but never the fan favorite What good is jumping off if your head hit the damn pavement? I'm on a bridge with a message from van halen Like "God, I'm pickin hell instead of this damn nation" Addicts all around you - some regular anne frank shit Kids moving bricks is better than grand masons Ask em if they'd kill you for benny & grant faces They all would... nah gipetto you can't raise 'em They know the right band will get her to dance naked Be it the right jam, a wedding, or cash payment The 5 keep em running like presidents campaigning Whoever said the ghetto was better than plantations They all talking shit, I'm forgetting the damn language I been trynna find a rosetta for translation Lean in the shot like kevin durant fadin Red in the damn face - yosemite sam wasted

02-28-2019, 10:34 AM	#5
sral Shrewd as evearthed Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Wolverhampton, England Posts: 8,253 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899391	I’d nitpick over using damn twice in the first four end rhymes, but that’s just me being a perfectionist no good asshole that would never rhyme that tbh lol I ain’t hating though, this was good Beginning was better to me than the latter half of it preference wise but I don’t like judging stuff for tracks like I would text pieces, the two are different beasts to me and I write nothing like I would in text for actual songs lol Record it bruh __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)

02-28-2019, 08:55 AM	#3
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Raw bro...Think your wordin' could be tinkered with, but only slightly from a readers perspective so the flow is more catchable...I caught it, just sayin'. Stay dope brethren.