01-27-2014, 09:45 PM | #1 |
_Al_GO_RYTHMIC
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 644
Battle Record: 1-3
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No moore
Diving into the nether realm of possibility trapped inside the thoughts lost in me the wake of dreams crashing like a wave of seas smiling at the pains of inevitability I put two cents in losing senses not content the constant losses are reshaping what once was whole now gaping creed on a journey seed applauding a busy bee as snakes slither round without sound the apple tree a bite crisp sank in like teeth an widowed like a wither whim death... tasty while life's bitter but better the mohr we bleed after all we need not taste but awl to feed drinking the souls of another being sapiens without the wise lies deceive more land we need... but the moor land we leave no growth no hope not man we flee just plans for morn war the grief while uncle Sam stands red hands in disbelief but reports to spread disease no rapport they cuff more to decor their sleeves while they starve intestines enlarging carnage reviews they're reavers of their own… defeat
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http://www.youtube.com/user/toadill Ⓖⓔⓣ ⓘⓝ ⓣⓗⓔ ⓑⓞⓦⓛ I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ╔══════╦═╗╔═╦═══╦═╦═══╗ ║░╔╗╔╗░║░║║░║╚══╣░║░╔═╝ ║░║╚╝║░║░╚╝░╠══╗║░║░╚═╗ ╚═╝░░╚═╩════╩═══╩═╩═══╝ ¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪ ◕MUSIC◕LOVE◕LIVE◕LAUGH◕ ☯█▄█ █ █▀█ █▄█ █▀█ █▀█ ♬ ♬█▀█ █ █▀▀ █▀█ █▄█ █▀▀ ☯ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡ |
01-27-2014, 10:21 PM | #2 |
6ft of Seperation
Join Date: Aug 2010
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This was a pretty good read for me! Rhymes were good and it flowed well imo
The message behind it was good. And people may take a different meaning out of it than others so it's ability to do that it's a plus too.
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GraveyardShift
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01-29-2014, 06:39 AM | #3 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Oslo
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You managed to pull off a desolate and bleak tone in this one, the first part was the most interesting for me as the 2 opening bars was phrased really cool. I also liked this "crisp sank in like teeth an widowed like a wither whim death... tasty".
Towards the end I felt it kinda drifted off into ambiguity. A good read none the less. |
01-29-2014, 05:01 PM | #4 |
_Al_GO_RYTHMIC
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 644
Battle Record: 1-3
Rep Power: 0 |
Thanks for the feed I appreciate it!
I love you too bags... lmao
__________________
http://www.youtube.com/user/toadill Ⓖⓔⓣ ⓘⓝ ⓣⓗⓔ ⓑⓞⓦⓛ I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ╔══════╦═╗╔═╦═══╦═╦═══╗ ║░╔╗╔╗░║░║║░║╚══╣░║░╔═╝ ║░║╚╝║░║░╚╝░╠══╗║░║░╚═╗ ╚═╝░░╚═╩════╩═══╩═╩═══╝ ¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪ ◕MUSIC◕LOVE◕LIVE◕LAUGH◕ ☯█▄█ █ █▀█ █▄█ █▀█ █▀█ ♬ ♬█▀█ █ █▀▀ █▀█ █▄█ █▀▀ ☯ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡ Last edited by Scripter; 01-29-2014 at 05:04 PM. |
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bags is a big flaming asshole, bags says he sucks niggas, btw this is bags, dont quit ur day job, plz no more, u scared of me...bags, u suck nigga, why do this u dumb faggot |
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