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Old 01-27-2014, 09:45 PM   #1
Scripter
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Default No moore




Diving into the nether realm of possibility
trapped inside the thoughts lost in me
the wake of dreams crashing like a wave of seas
smiling at the pains of inevitability
I put two cents in losing senses not content
the constant losses are reshaping
what once was whole now gaping creed
on a journey seed applauding a busy bee
as snakes slither round without sound the apple tree
a bite crisp sank in like teeth
an widowed like a wither whim death... tasty
while life's bitter but better the mohr we bleed
after all we need not taste but awl to feed
drinking the souls of another being
sapiens without the wise
lies deceive
more land we need...
but the moor land we leave
no growth no hope not man we flee
just plans for morn war the grief
while uncle Sam stands red hands in disbelief
but reports to spread disease
no rapport they cuff more
to decor their sleeves
while they starve intestines enlarging
carnage reviews they're reavers of their own… defeat
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Old 01-27-2014, 10:21 PM   #2
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This was a pretty good read for me! Rhymes were good and it flowed well imo

The message behind it was good. And people may take a different meaning out of it than others so it's ability to do that it's a plus too.
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Old 01-29-2014, 06:39 AM   #3
Concrete
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You managed to pull off a desolate and bleak tone in this one, the first part was the most interesting for me as the 2 opening bars was phrased really cool. I also liked this "crisp sank in like teeth an widowed like a wither whim death... tasty".
Towards the end I felt it kinda drifted off into ambiguity. A good read none the less.
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Old 01-29-2014, 05:01 PM   #4
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Thanks for the feed I appreciate it!


I love you too bags... lmao
__________________
http://www.youtube.com/user/toadill

Ⓖⓔⓣ ⓘⓝ ⓣⓗⓔ ⓑⓞⓦⓛ
I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT
╔══════╦═╗╔═╦═══╦═╦═══╗
║░╔╗╔╗░║░║║░║╚══╣░║░╔═╝
║░║╚╝║░║░╚╝░╠══╗║░║░╚═╗
╚═╝░░╚═╩════╩═══╩═╩═══╝
¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪

◕MUSIC◕LOVE◕LIVE◕LAUGH◕
☯█▄█ █ █▀█ █▄█ █▀█ █▀█ ♬
♬█▀█ █ █▀▀ █▀█ █▄█ █▀▀ ☯
❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡

Last edited by Scripter; 01-29-2014 at 05:04 PM.
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bags is a big flaming asshole, bags says he sucks niggas, btw this is bags, dont quit ur day job, plz no more, u scared of me...bags, u suck nigga, why do this u dumb faggot

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