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Old 01-09-2014, 04:45 AM   #1
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Default December review for netcees.com OM section

December review for www.netcees.co Open Mic section with extra Split Eight sections.

Greetings all members, this is a short effort to highlight and review some of the uploads for December and this first quarter of January. Uploads were chosen for the short review by just a random cross section along with some individually chosen uploads. Again, like the last review it will follow a copy and paste template and just a sample of perhaps 20 or so will be reviewed. The format is; Username: “Title” URL – date. Also there will be some extra entertaining parts that will be edited in, they are being created by Split Eight at a later date.

Cross section of uploads for December:


Angkor : “The Last Leaf.” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=39862 - 12-16-2013

“Life’s an intricate system of “tension” and “change”
spanning far beyond subatomic physical plane
observe the pacing, disaccharidase, digital age
idle intolerance; an argument for Heidegger’s claim”

Short review: A great submission to begin the review process. Pretty sure it is an old one I have read it before somewhere, but it was enjoyable to see the way in which the quotes were responded to. Angkor kind of took each small quote and expounded on it by using a small exposition, a tiny scene with not much in terms of a big story, but just kind of putting the older quotes into a modern setting.

Destroyer : “drunken kung fu” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=40635 - 12-19-2013

“i'm a lost nerd with a mossberg and bad posture.
walking by your high school lockers, no longer feeling awkward.
i'm an evil thought stopped before u truly ponder,
the glint of the blade in your mind that u envision using on her.”

Short review: This was an aggressive braggadocio from a new username to this OM section. It had several positive aspects. Firstly, a strong rhyme technique was displayed. The self-depreciating parts in it also set it apart from other similar submissions, giving it a bit of humor to contrast the aggressive parts.

Wise Ways : “I just saw a bum wipe his ass with a Picasso drawing.” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=39574 – 12-14-2013

“I hate being awkward, off-putting.. "Call muhmuhmeEe". It takes faking apologies. Lol, I just pace, making a zombie scream. I'm naked. Planking. They follow me. Showing kiddies how to play Jason on hallow's eve (sry)srsly Painstakingly drama queen. Gta, baking & Dramamine. Good evening. Tasting the Bate's basement in the autumn breeze.”

Short review: Many pop-culture references and different internet acronyms/adlibs give this writing a joking/playful tone. It is dark humor using casual reference to the taboo to create an effect. There is also some discussion in the comments on the merit of different formatting techniques.

dead man : “insomniatic, she wrote” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=39686 - 12-15-2013

“cigarette electric. diminutive, my intro: introspection
salutations Mr. Black. meet Mrs. Misconception
this is a test. it's been an honor. time to go, goodbye
tie a rope. you're Robert Paulson. fight until you die”

Short review: Excellent rhyming on display by a hyper focused, isotopic, rhyme consultant (enjoyed that battle rap part a lot, so did CopyPat). The foreign language line was also excellent too. Everything is working towards, propelling the writing forward. The short lines, the emphatic phrases, the symbolic allusions, the advanced multiple rhymes, it is all very impressive.

Frank : “16” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=41963 - 12-26-2013

“I'm serving a sentence, I'm murdering verses for records
25 to life for the first who attempts it
Feeding adjectives to savages, verbs to the vulchers
Campaign for this asswhipping then I'm gunna vote for ya'”

Short review: This one was a fast one from Frank. A light snack, appetizer. Frank could extend this into a 100 line epic fully automated movie-script style with flashing lights and beeping sounds if he wanted to.

Mizz Millionaire : “8 days of Christmas” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=41906 - 12-25-2013

“On first day of christmas my boo gave me diamond ring,
On second of christmas my boo gave me charming bracelet.
On Third day of christmas my boo gave me Star earrings,
On Fourth day of christmas my boo gave me angel chain.”

Short review: As long as Mizz Millionaire keeps on submitting each month, it will be enjoyable to read it each month. This was an entertaining version of a classic Xmas rhyme. Good personality (fabricated or not) on display.

Certain : “Paragraph style.” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=39858 - 12-16-2013

“Obnoxioucrat. Literarary litterer.
I glittered when I wrote this. Unfocused.
Would you like socks with that? Red or White?
I've got you dead to writes.
Spray bottles of insecticide to infect the hive,
but pests survive.”

Short review: A collection of multiple rhymes in a stream of consciousness expression. By using a clever title Certain also makes a bit of a meta-commentary with this. It is a valid point, sometimes individuals write ‘paragraph style’ but perhaps it is more accurate to juts call it paragraph formatting. I would agree there is a certain style by a few different users but they are identifiable more by their heavy rhyming techniques with a stream of consciousness internal dialogue rather than their paragraph formatting. I think Certain did that here to bring some point up.

Natural : “The Watching(horrorcore)” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=42618 - 12-30-2013

“l'll stalk you're hallways and check the bathroom stall gates
I'll wire tap you're phone and count the time of call lengths
I'm always lurking even if you don't see me in the shadows
My stealth is working because you don't hear me in the gravel”

Short review: Writing from a stalkers perspective, there are some classic songs on this topic, Sting “I’ll be watching you.” Haunting song, but this submission lacks some vital elements to give it more conceptual-oomph. There is not much scene setting, could have made it more visual by giving small details, OCD kind of stuff. Also another member made a good comment, the I’s, I’ll’s, and I’m’s became a little bit repetitive.

FR33KtheG33K : “PRD: Entry 4, Bar Attack.” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=42158 - 12-27-2013

“they keep passing over my work like i havent earned atleast a view,
while these other lames flourish previously i was in a peaceful mood
now i am just irked, all of these netcees are food,
fr33k relax someone on this site fckin' believes in you”

Short review: Firstly, the first parts were not quoted because they were not part of the actual rhyming, but the scene setting device at the start was great, enjoyed that attention to detail and the exact/direct nature of the log entry. As for the submission, the rhyming was good, and the content was nice, a bit too self-referential, would have been nice to see the character developed more.

Just Write : bitches drive me crazy and i write shit like this” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=41350 - 12-22-2013

“You used to be my precious... my baby
I'd carress you.
everything you said i believed. But you decieved and betrayed me
I called you my lady, soon after dubbed you my queen
Use to love the way you arched your back up under my sheets”

Short review: Just Write has uploaded an excellent series of submissions. Each is very good in its own right, there were more entertaining ones than this current one here, but they were just outside of the timeframe. He writes with a strong empathetic quality, you will enjoy it. It would be nice to see some small proofreading, like full stops and capital letters, perhaps it would really make it all stand out better and mesh well with the direct discussion.

Mael : “bilge.” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=38759 - 12-11-2013

“an ancient selachimorphic wonder - Dakuwaqa's mirror image
breed under lacustrine bridges. a shifting neritic pillar - sickness,
a villain, cryptic. indolently swim during the eagre of a river's ridges
return to the reef & fishes, die backwards. worth the sacrificial distance”

Short review: “More of, it not entirely, the latter. The nautical references in this piece were purely coincidental. There's only so much one can write about the outer part of a ship's hull, lol.” Good points here, I thought it may have been satire on verbose vocabulary, now I am pretty sure. Recommending this one, read through it once quite quickly, you will see some interesting words you have never seen before.

Witty “When Innocence Dies” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=1200 - 01-26-2013

“Disaster, grief, all manners of catastrophes
Man's disease, the cancer breeds from blasphemy
Bland beliefs mixed with passion, peace a passing treat
Flashing past us faster than they blast the heat”

Short review: A throwback exactly 1 year less than the timeframe for this monthly review, it was brought back to the front page by the member Natural exactly 1 year later. Witty wrote an excellent submission, it basically checks all the boxes for the paradigm for writing on these kind of websites in topical format. Recommending this one, go make some comment if you enjoyed it. Witty is signed into the topical competition, if he writes like this he may win.

Defy Gravity : "An Insurgent Soul in Flames" http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=43987 - 01-06-2014

“Posing as an imposter,
Altering permanent mannerisms and mixed posture/
I rose to grandiose fame a flying saucer,
In the underworld canvass of colliding mobsters/”

Short review: Metaphor and symbolism heavy, it’s not to everyone’s taste, but if you enjoy that kind of thing you will enjoy reading this one. The formatting options give it a bit of something extra too. The short lines spread out also disguise the fact that it was quite a short submission. Very focus oriented, seemed to have an objective to write something nice like this and Defy Gravity fully achieved it.

CopyPat : “I flow everything” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=41681 - 12-24-2013

“The all sick flow-er like fallopian tubes
The long stick grower like Pinocchio do
I drop scripts bolder than the fonts in the news
That ya’ll trip over like ya poppin some shrooms”

Short review: The title to this submission is correct, you could go through any newspaper with CopyPat point to a random sentence - like “The textile manufactory fire left 22 dead in Bangladesh” - and he would instantly respond with a fully multiple-rhymed line. You can tell he enjoys doing it a lot, it shows through the energy and the enthusiastic writing voice. He is intelligent, humorous and fully capable of writing about any topic while still using his fully-rhymed lines style.

Objective : “.:: But I Digress ::.” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=39038 - 12-12-2013

“More symbolic than Christ on the cross;
I'm at a loss, the skin; I'm peeling it off.
To deal with this cough is demeaning and tough,
still not feeling it's worth concealing I'm soft.”

Short review: Objective has quietly without any fuss been making a series of submissions, they can be detected by the use of .:: TITLE ::. they are a cohesive whole, big baby also picked it, read each one in the series by using the search function to see exactly what I mean. Perhaps this is the last one, it may also be the penultimate one, the last lines certainly have a foreboding quality.

Vividlyvague : “Damsel. (Director's Cut w/ Alt Ending)” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=40660 - 12-19-2013

“"oh, the blood! The humanity! Who would do such a thing?!"
The dazed widow paced ever so frantically, a medley of shag carpet rings.
Oh, what will I ever do? I should call the polce! "Emergency please!"
The silence unbearable, her mind slowly sinks... --...such a sweetheart to me!-“

Short review: Great use of diverse language, scene setting and character development, also development of the inanimate object by giving it human qualities. E.g, see the ‘carpet rings’ part in the above example. Judging by the comments, perhaps there is still some issue with a cohesive train of thought. Maybe you could benefit from writing out a very simple, minimalist, non-rhyming plan, kind of like an essay plan with a few notes etc branching off from each main idea. Then you can rearrange these around and add in all your thoughts, it seems to be an issue not with the writing which is superb, but rather the actual process of writing.

Split Eight : “monika,” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=39557 - 12-14-2013

“you said photographs were the purest art-
to capture untethered human emotive conviction,
and showed me restaurant scenes- 'open incisions'-
The photographer, ensconced in oceans of pixels,”

Short review: In some parts Split Eight seemed to be trying a different style of rhyming which I think has some potential, kind of like a reverse multiple rhyme where the first half of the multiple rhyme is rhymed and the second half is not. E.g., open incisions – oceans of pixels. Incisions and pixels does not rhyme but open and ocean does. Together they make a multiple rhyme where the first half rhymes and the second half does not. It was an interesting technique that was repeated in other parts of this submission.

pup : “j” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=43133 – 01-02-2014
“VIDEO RECORDING”

Short review: Quite a funny video recording, I think it was intended as a character satire or something like that, also Objective gave an absolutely scathing review in the comment section which is also funny.

Figasaurus : "Language of Reality” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=40112 - 11-19-2013

“Linguistic sequences encapsulate our wreathing realities....
(OUR reality. The ego there's as present as malady!)
... but uh... objective nature is conceptual fallacy...
so... syntax is a messenger that's constantly fractling”

Short review: Read this and you will be surprised. This is the submission I will remember Fig by until he uploads something better. It will be a difficult task. Didn’t read it until now, but if I would have read it then, would have given it a HOF nomination. It was great because it had a real underlying concept, backed up by some subtle language things too, like the intentional use of the non-word ‘fractling’ instead of the word ‘fracturing’ to make a commentary on language itself. Certain also gave one of the best comments in response to a submission on this website so far, if you are feeling confused by the content, read the explanation by Certain afterwards that hit the nail so hard on the head it gave it a concussion.

DexLabb : “2014 - Verse a day till i blow up - Day 1” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=42983 - 01-01-2014

“i can still, taste that first track that i ever laceddddddddd
BEST shit that i ever madeeeee
talkin bout spinnin rims, & escaladessssssss
and trips on a g5-jet-to-the evergladesssssss”

Short review: Can relate to the numbered titles, keep it up for as long as possible, one each day should keep the Dr. away. Enjoyed the extra letters, it gave it a sense of style, some aggressive and well worded insults too. Nice and direct submission.

big baby : “yo, yo yo mammas so fat. crowd: "HOW FAT IS SHE!!!!!!!!" SHES SO FAT SHE BOYCOTTED AN ITUNES APP CAUSE IT SUPPORTS APPLES” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=42827 - 12-31-2013

“Ground is flickering. Dust. I'm Nicolaus the physicist, conducting experiments. Now down is withering up. I'm sick. Like a crowd with syphilis. In the smallest housing predicaments. I study so much my mouse blistering. I browse more history than DOW JONES. Listen honey, see where tippin' that cow goes. Twist a spears tip end. I'm coughing up, a sorta queer linen. Vodka drunk. Call the cops. Cops are called. I'll cop a feel on her jugs til she tells me I have to right to remain science. Then shoot a tri-laser away and degrade eyelids.”

Short review: Firstly, big baby wins the prize for the most humorous titles. Also, big baby has an excellent understanding of rhyming technique and other poetic things like assonance. The sharp humor and playful train of thought style is always entertaining. It is light hearted while still skill full.

Vulgar : “Stepping Outside of Yourself: Does it require cloning?” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=36332 - 12-01-2013

“Some leapfrog over other heads in the majestic lagoon
heed the lessons entombed in a Peace Corps general's retinal pools
Follow megahertz herds via astral projection, ascend the platoon
If you end up a ball of regret at the bottom of a well... ..
Well, ponder what a gremlin would do.”

Short review: Writing about life, as he sees it. They asked for my vote for HOF entry of this submission, after a second reading during this review I realize I made a bad first judgement. Initially comparing it unfavorably to earlier submissions by Vulgar, I now see it is probably better than those other ones by orders of magnitude. The sections are broken up intentionally, each is a short vignette, they contain self-contained themes and phases/aspects of life and big questions of life. Fully recommending this one for all.

** EXTRA ENTERTAINING PARTS LATER SOON



Ending comment/Overall review.

Holiday season is long finished, now we return to our various grinds and monotonies. Also for some reason they have made me moderator of this section, I don’t really agree, but I will try not to interfere with anything. I'm probably not the best to answer email requests because I don’t know how to use most of the functions or even what they are, try the much more competent Certain or Pancakebrah. Congratulations all junior members, members and senior members for 2013. Good luck for continuing your hobby in 2014.

Last edited by zygote; 01-09-2014 at 04:57 AM.
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Old 01-09-2014, 12:52 PM   #2
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Thanks for the mention zyg.. appreciate all your hard work and i promise ill start proof reading lol
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Old 01-09-2014, 02:50 PM   #3
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Zygote you beautiful man. These little mags really add to the OM's excellence.
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Old 01-09-2014, 02:55 PM   #4
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Nice of you to take time from your prime objective to do this zyg.
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Old 01-09-2014, 04:00 PM   #5
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Zy is the man. Good luck in the battle.
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Old 01-09-2014, 06:00 PM   #6
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Old 01-09-2014, 07:58 PM   #7
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You know sumthin' ain't right when Mizz Millionaire is mentioned ahead of you, I mean seriously that verse was horrible.Come Easter Ima drop a Humpty Dumpty remix and only change the last 3 or 4 words at the end of each line to see if that gets a look in smh...apart from that good review.
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Old 01-09-2014, 08:05 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Exis View Post
You know sumthin' ain't right when Mizz Millionaire is mentioned ahead of you, I mean seriously that verse was horrible.Come Easter Ima drop a Humpty Dumpty remix and only change the last 3 or 4 words at the end of each line to see if that gets a look in smh...apart from that good review.
"Uploads were chosen for the short review by just a random cross section along with some individually chosen uploads."
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Old 01-10-2014, 08:19 PM   #9
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Thanks for the mention and props on the work you put in, ZYG. Appreciate it and look forward to more.
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Old 01-10-2014, 08:51 PM   #10
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Destroyer : “drunken kung fu” http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=40635 - 12-19-2013

“i'm a lost nerd with a mossberg and bad posture.

what a beautiful line
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If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
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Old 01-10-2014, 09:09 PM   #11
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Thanks zyggy. These don't go unnoticed.
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Old 01-11-2014, 03:54 PM   #12
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Old 01-11-2014, 04:25 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wise Ways View Post
Thanks zyggy. These don't go unnoticed.
I was trying to decipher what this ment when I was reeeeally fucking stoned last night

Come to find out... it's just a normal fucking comment
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Old 01-11-2014, 05:58 PM   #14
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wow dude nice mag, havent seen a mag in a long time and this was really well done
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Old 01-19-2014, 07:17 PM   #15
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This is the best thing to happen to OM since sliced stanzas. Great job ZYG.
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Old 01-28-2014, 12:19 AM   #16
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Objective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant futureObjective has a brilliant future
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Didn't notice this till now. I know I've said it plenty of times already, but it deserves to be said again; You're doing excellent work. It's remarkable the shit you're doing with this. Always looking forward to see what you got to say about different shit.

The ''.:: Title ::.'' thing is just something I do because I think it looks nice. I just forget to do it. It's actually kinda weird that I don't have some subliminal message behind it, or a reason to do so, as when I do shit like that it often/most likely has a meaning people probably wont pick up unless they look for it. Definitely dope that you picked up on it although there's nothing behind it this time. Going to try to remember to add it in the future tho'.

A tip tho': You should add the ''@'' behind peoples names to tag them, that way everyone you mentioned/reviewed will be notified when you make a submission like this.
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I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave.


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Last edited by Objective; 01-28-2014 at 12:22 AM.
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