phenomenon

[Split]

[not my best work, just my latest... For namix's thing]

i caught a glimpse downtown,
movie scene rewrote in winter ides,
instead of listening, drowned out its picturesque designs
with SepSe7en's rhymes and unfocused eyes.
not getting used to the phase we've defined,
hesitance that erased a generation's drive-
I'd rather eyeball an Epinephrine pen
than see my Twitter name trend-
see, I'm bitter again, it's this miscreant phase,
tired of glimpses of the past but nothing remains,
it's not society's fault, no scapegoat to blame,
but yo, same note- it makes deja vu strange-
am I reliving summer songs from Boston
or what the TV convinced us we'd long forgotten.
culture's built around a golden age
whose yellow details stain every fresh page,
the phenomenon of lies we've accepted with praise,
quotes- the lexicon for conveying cliches,
artificial displays, emotions relayed,
catch a single thing authentic-

she caught me mid-sentence and said
she'd known me before, dishonest at best,
but hidden inside a promise was expressed
conscious, unscripted, tied at opposite ends,
then just pretend that it'd always been tied.
hands slightly misaligned-
take a moment, revel in infinite time,

unspoken complaint, workings of fate,
the nervous refrain of every first date-
buried regardless of duration of stay,
and the best we can say is it's hard to explain?
it's a focal mistake- past's presence delayed,
hung on fingertips so long, we haven't opened today.
bus rides, Lowell light displays,
catch a familiar face lined with a nameless gaze
spinning reticent yarns in the safety of age-
honest lies, a phenomenon entertained

[Flow]

Yo why hasnt anyone given feed yet i read this hours n hours ago an it was dope. Listen up i dont need to go into mass detail plus im major busy but its obvs a sollid drop. Great flow reads perfect felt legit in the content fam i mean if i had to knock it at all id say you were playin this well to safe in your rhyming scheme butvlike you said not your best!

Sorry couldnt in more detail

[Camp Bell]

she caught me mid-sentence and said
she'd known me before, dishonest at best,
but hidden inside a promise was expressed
conscious, unscripted, tied at opposite ends,
then just pretend that it'd always been tied.
hands slightly misaligned-
take a moment, revel in infinite time,


ok, yes. this was a dope piece but like flo said, i think you played it too safe
but, not to the point where it ended up sounding choppy or basic. just to the
point where you could kinda tell that the schemes couldve been super crazy..
still nice tho fam, i'd just stay keep working and take risk! lol

[Zen]

I think the flow was a little hard to capture with the short bar style but after I read through it I finally got the flow of it haha. But solid drop but imo I've seen much better from you awhile back but still good fam.

[zygote]

It's like you focused on the rhyme schemes etc but in some parts didn't have strong enough multiple rhymes to pull it off. E.g., bitter again - miscreant phase- nothing remains. The "nothing" is out of place. But other parts were much better. E.g., songs from Boston - long forgotten. There's also something else interesting about the rhymes here. Many of them end with AYES. In a way it's easy because you can rhyme a lot with AYES but it also can become repetitive. Content was good but slightly surface deep couldn't understand the overall focus or direction. Other than the mainly good rhyme schemes which were enjoyable.

[Fig]

culture's built around a golden age whose yellow details stain every fresh page, the phenomenon of lies we've accepted with praise, quotes- the lexicon for conveying cliches,

^^^
There are a lot of kick ass lines like this, but I'm not comprehending the theme well. The structure seemed awkward at first, but after a few reads through, i like it.