Feminism

Matriarch · 01-20-2013, 05:29 PM

a race of ridicule based on municipal meets
tracks of decaf - disease patched on Dunstable street
dicking Jane - corporate ladder office windows and suite
mound of checks rise as neck ties with tempest elite
destine to meet, press allegiance test this somber system
- heels and miniskirt’s a leg up on the competition
An art. A system. Arguments of vague and passive words
Plato’s philosophy to Kratos crazed vernacular
Strange - spectacular engaged in feudal warring state
of mind - knowledge. Power pending play of swords and blades
Lilith longing for equality’s a coarse display
deemed a demon just for reasoning the Lord’s way
sons of atom and evolution sent to month of may
- to be tempted by the jezebels of present day
piece of ass. meat. tasked? create/induce confusion
a piece of rib. caged, allude to ancient institution
And state pen deducing arguments to prove as facts
the notion of Men > Women? ‘but where’s the proof in that?
you think that power’s in the proof of pudding dicks in pussies?
‘cause lust is limbo - and we’ve raised the bar since 1960
behind a great man’s a leading lady. paradox?
Where would Columbus be without Isabel of Aragon
Sun Wukong waged a holy war against the heavens
But it was Guan Yin, the Holy Mother he lamented
again my scorned form exceeds the fury depth of hell
so i came to raise it ..

- Sincerely, Jezebel

PancakeBrah · 01-20-2013, 05:46 PM

An art. A system. Arguments of vague and passive words
Plato’s philosophy to Kratos crazed vernacular
Strange - spectacular engaged in feudal warring state
of mind - knowledge. Power pending play of swords and blades
Lilith longing for equality’s a coarse display
deemed a demon just for reasoning the Lord’s way
sons of atom and evolution sent to month of may
- to be tempted by the jezebels of present day
piece of ass. meat. tasked? create/induce confusion
a piece of rib. caged, allude to ancient institution

^Amazing, really.

The use of punctuation was strong and is one of my favorite aspects of writing open mic pieces. Indicating rest/pause notes, staccato delivery, AND to create wordplay, double meanings, and allusions (rib. caged, specifically). Content was spot on. The whole thing was expert-level, orange button and shit. The only hiccups I saw were the pudding wordplay which was corny to me, and the paradox/aragon rhyme. I looked for an internal or callback but it wasn't there and that's a streeetccchhh of a slant/soft rhyme to me. Now the the nits are picked. Great piece.

Bitches aint shit, tho

Split · 01-20-2013, 05:53 PM

this was pretty nuts. Word choice was excellent. I like how you don't dwell on metaphors at all, it gives your verse a more directed feel and strengthens your argument, like you're making a statement instead of going for artistic merit.

Quote:

deemed a demon just for reasoning the Lord’s way
sons of atom and evolution sent to month of may

I loved the syllabic repetition here

There were some parts where the schemes were lacking and the rhyming fell off, and a few places where I wish you had kept a rhyme going and didnt. just some technicalities, it was a really good read... definitely can tell this was a fully-formed drop.

is this HarMonica? anyways, welcome to AOB, stick around a bit. Keep keyin.

Split · 01-20-2013, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cakecakecake

The use of punctuation was strong and is one of my favorite aspects of writing open mic pieces. Indicating rest/pause notes, staccato delivery, AND to create wordplay, double meanings, and allusions (

agree x 1,000

Matriarch · 01-20-2013, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Split

is this harMonica?

;)

We should start the first AOB crew call Mass Connect, my Bostonian friend.

@cakecakecake - thanks man =)

Geno · 01-20-2013, 07:47 PM

Funny. After a few lines I was like yo.. this has to be harmon lol

Piece was ill, the raw content you deliver is always intense and the ability you have to make every thought become vivdly detailed is amazing. Definitely seemed to have a few misses rhythmically here and there.. but I think your pieces are more about pronunciation then completely matching syllables to perfection. Also, this piece as is similar to most of your works shows a strength on deciding when too many words is too many words. Often I find in your works that a word most people would use to complete a similar thought had been left out. I think this is a technique used to gain a flow flow. Its really a sick art to be able to do this and not have the verse seem like its all hacked up. You do it well. Good to see you btw ;-)

Matriarch · 01-21-2013, 07:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Genocide

Funny. After a few lines I was like yo.. this has to be harmon lol

Piece was ill, the raw content you deliver is always intense and the ability you have to make every thought become vivdly detailed is amazing. Definitely seemed to have a few misses rhythmically here and there.. but I think your pieces are more about pronunciation then completely matching syllables to perfection. Also, this piece as is similar to most of your works shows a strength on deciding when too many words is too many words. Often I find in your works that a word most people would use to complete a similar thought had been left out. I think this is a technique used to gain a flow flow. Its really a sick art to be able to do this and not have the verse seem like its all hacked up. You do it well. Good to see you btw ;-)

<3

Still learnin from yall :)

zygote · 01-21-2013, 08:07 AM

Liked the slant rhymes, the endings to second lines were unpredictable because of the atypical rhyme schemes.

Nice · 01-21-2013, 11:42 AM

This wasnt shit lol jk.. Nice to see ya harmon, ill hit this up after my hanngover fades

trap. · 01-21-2013, 12:20 PM

I liked the Columbus line.

Some of it was too wordy. I tend to read everything like a rap song and this was very poetic, avant-garde, even Anticon-ish, in a way. Sometimes you need not be so overly wordy and work on the basics. Being a little bit more simple to get your meaning across. For the audience here, it was good though.

PURE ENERGY · 01-21-2013, 12:50 PM

a race of ridicule based on municipal meets
tracks of decaf - disease patched on Dunstable street
dicking Jane - corporate ladder office windows and suite
mound of checks rise as neck ties with tempest elite
destine to meet, press allegiance test this somber system
- heels and miniskirt’s a leg up on the competition

^^^This was such a fire opening and rely set the tone of this piece

behind a great man’s a leading lady. paradox?
Where would Columbus be without Isabel of Aragon
Sun Wukong waged a holy war against the heavens
But it was Guan Yin, the Holy Mother he lamented
again my scorned form exceeds the fury depth of hell

^^^Your entire piece was solid and powerful, but these last few lines had me sold. Peace

Camp Bell · 01-22-2013, 10:30 AM

.....i love women!!!!

because of this piece, i have a new found respect for the ladies out here getting it in. i didnt expect this to be so vivid and smooth like it was. well done, ma'am. i dont really critique OM pieces because of the diversity involved, unless im asked. great drop tho

NYCSPITZ · 02-10-2013, 03:28 PM

I came in thinking this was gonna be wack b/c a female wrote it but this was dope. Best female topicalist I've seen by a mile. The bottom half of your face looks young, are you under 21? If you're below 25 keep at it u can become a monster (no lie). I see the black D influence yet again here

Dominate · 02-10-2013, 09:35 PM

dope. I don't read many OMs but the title of yours enticed me - knew it would be something different. And I was very pleasantly surprised by the quality (not because of your gender lol - just didn't recognise your name). I agree with what others have said about the rhyming not coming off perfect in places but content wise this was really slick. Good job, ill read more from you.

Obey · 02-10-2013, 10:14 PM

Nice read that opener was fresh as fuck

Flow · 02-14-2013, 12:21 PM

I don't know how I missed this I like to think I read nearly all the drops on here. Must of been in my week sabatacle. Great read, seriously great read. I see some of the guys think your somone they know in which case, welcome, if not then I would be interested in seeing how you two compare.

The reason I loved this drop so much is even though its got some amazing vocab and rhyme schemes, the content isn't lost, the topic flows perfectly through out and the message hits home clearly. Alot of people will use rare referrences to look good but yours were all used correct. Eg.
behind a great man’s a leading lady. paradox?
Where would Columbus be without Isabel of Aragon

There were areas where you dropped your game but like someone above me said, this is just a hiccup it ain't damaging the peice in anyway.

Anyways I nominated this drop so good luck.

01-20-2013, 05:29 PM	#1
Matriarch Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 51 Rep Power: 0	Feminism a race of ridicule based on municipal meets tracks of decaf - disease patched on Dunstable street dicking Jane - corporate ladder office windows and suite mound of checks rise as neck ties with tempest elite destine to meet, press allegiance test this somber system - heels and miniskirt’s a leg up on the competition An art. A system. Arguments of vague and passive words Plato’s philosophy to Kratos crazed vernacular Strange - spectacular engaged in feudal warring state of mind - knowledge. Power pending play of swords and blades Lilith longing for equality’s a coarse display deemed a demon just for reasoning the Lord’s way sons of atom and evolution sent to month of may - to be tempted by the jezebels of present day piece of ass. meat. tasked? create/induce confusion a piece of rib. caged, allude to ancient institution And state pen deducing arguments to prove as facts the notion of Men > Women? ‘but where’s the proof in that? you think that power’s in the proof of pudding dicks in pussies? ‘cause lust is limbo - and we’ve raised the bar since 1960 behind a great man’s a leading lady. paradox? Where would Columbus be without Isabel of Aragon Sun Wukong waged a holy war against the heavens But it was Guan Yin, the Holy Mother he lamented again my scorned form exceeds the fury depth of hell so i came to raise it .. - Sincerely, Jezebel

01-20-2013, 05:46 PM	#2
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 13,052 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899406	An art. A system. Arguments of vague and passive words Plato’s philosophy to Kratos crazed vernacular Strange - spectacular engaged in feudal warring state of mind - knowledge. Power pending play of swords and blades Lilith longing for equality’s a coarse display deemed a demon just for reasoning the Lord’s way sons of atom and evolution sent to month of may - to be tempted by the jezebels of present day piece of ass. meat. tasked? create/induce confusion a piece of rib. caged, allude to ancient institution ^Amazing, really. The use of punctuation was strong and is one of my favorite aspects of writing open mic pieces. Indicating rest/pause notes, staccato delivery, AND to create wordplay, double meanings, and allusions (rib. caged, specifically). Content was spot on. The whole thing was expert-level, orange button and shit. The only hiccups I saw were the pudding wordplay which was corny to me, and the paradox/aragon rhyme. I looked for an internal or callback but it wasn't there and that's a streeetccchhh of a slant/soft rhyme to me. Now the the nits are picked. Great piece. Bitches aint shit, tho __________________ If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me?

01-20-2013, 07:47 PM	#6
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,325 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	Funny. After a few lines I was like yo.. this has to be harmon lol Piece was ill, the raw content you deliver is always intense and the ability you have to make every thought become vivdly detailed is amazing. Definitely seemed to have a few misses rhythmically here and there.. but I think your pieces are more about pronunciation then completely matching syllables to perfection. Also, this piece as is similar to most of your works shows a strength on deciding when too many words is too many words. Often I find in your works that a word most people would use to complete a similar thought had been left out. I think this is a technique used to gain a flow flow. Its really a sick art to be able to do this and not have the verse seem like its all hacked up. You do it well. Good to see you btw ;-) __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

01-22-2013, 10:30 AM	#12
Camp Bell Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 733 Battle Record: 10-18 Rep Power: 0	.....i love women!!!! because of this piece, i have a new found respect for the ladies out here getting it in. i didnt expect this to be so vivid and smooth like it was. well done, ma'am. i dont really critique OM pieces because of the diversity involved, unless im asked. great drop tho __________________ get high. write rhymes.

01-21-2013, 08:07 AM	#8
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 502 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737825	Liked the slant rhymes, the endings to second lines were unpredictable because of the atypical rhyme schemes.

01-21-2013, 11:42 AM	#9
Nice Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 93 Rep Power: 0	This wasnt shit lol jk.. Nice to see ya harmon, ill hit this up after my hanngover fades

01-21-2013, 12:20 PM	#10
trap. Senior Citizen Join Date: Aug 1997 Posts: 3,871 Battle Record: 4-3 Rep Power: 0	I liked the Columbus line. Some of it was too wordy. I tend to read everything like a rap song and this was very poetic, avant-garde, even Anticon-ish, in a way. Sometimes you need not be so overly wordy and work on the basics. Being a little bit more simple to get your meaning across. For the audience here, it was good though.

01-21-2013, 12:50 PM	#11
PURE ENERGY Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 89 Rep Power: 0	a race of ridicule based on municipal meets tracks of decaf - disease patched on Dunstable street dicking Jane - corporate ladder office windows and suite mound of checks rise as neck ties with tempest elite destine to meet, press allegiance test this somber system - heels and miniskirt’s a leg up on the competition ^^^This was such a fire opening and rely set the tone of this piece behind a great man’s a leading lady. paradox? Where would Columbus be without Isabel of Aragon Sun Wukong waged a holy war against the heavens But it was Guan Yin, the Holy Mother he lamented again my scorned form exceeds the fury depth of hell ^^^Your entire piece was solid and powerful, but these last few lines had me sold. Peace

02-10-2013, 03:28 PM	#13
NYCSPITZ SYRACUSE Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,033 Battle Record: 31-37 Champed - Write Night II - Alias Topical Tournament Rep Power: 4743544	I came in thinking this was gonna be wack b/c a female wrote it but this was dope. Best female topicalist I've seen by a mile. The bottom half of your face looks young, are you under 21? If you're below 25 keep at it u can become a monster (no lie). I see the black D influence yet again here

02-10-2013, 09:35 PM	#14
Dominate Tread Lightly. Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 2,309 Battle Record: 26-9 Champed - Netcees Battle League - Battle Arena - Tag Team Tournament III - Tag Tournament: "Omicron Variant" Rep Power: 18197456	dope. I don't read many OMs but the title of yours enticed me - knew it would be something different. And I was very pleasantly surprised by the quality (not because of your gender lol - just didn't recognise your name). I agree with what others have said about the rhyming not coming off perfect in places but content wise this was really slick. Good job, ill read more from you.

02-10-2013, 10:14 PM	#15
Obey Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 718 Battle Record: 2-4 Rep Power: 1236365	Nice read that opener was fresh as fuck

02-14-2013, 12:21 PM	#16
Flow Upset Champion Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: West Mids Posts: 3,861 Battle Record: 57-49 Accomplishments - 50 Wins Champed - BA Rookie Tourney - 1-2 Punch League (x2) - Pandemonium Cypher - 1-2 Punch league Season 9 Rep Power: 24894578	I don't know how I missed this I like to think I read nearly all the drops on here. Must of been in my week sabatacle. Great read, seriously great read. I see some of the guys think your somone they know in which case, welcome, if not then I would be interested in seeing how you two compare. The reason I loved this drop so much is even though its got some amazing vocab and rhyme schemes, the content isn't lost, the topic flows perfectly through out and the message hits home clearly. Alot of people will use rare referrences to look good but yours were all used correct. Eg. behind a great man’s a leading lady. paradox? Where would Columbus be without Isabel of Aragon There were areas where you dropped your game but like someone above me said, this is just a hiccup it ain't damaging the peice in anyway. Anyways I nominated this drop so good luck.