Blah

Clayray · 01-31-2014, 04:55 PM

Modern day Dr. Kevorkian back from the morgue again, I've been torturing men but not in the normal of sense it's from my force of the pen, Cornering them in & showing them views of my distorted sin. You get goosebumps laying on my cold iron table to hear these bold lines of fable, I told ya'll I'm able to see between the lines of your meaningless lifes you hide behind the lies that spew from inside. I've seen you kill and get away with it, the justice system is so ignorant so i'll bring you to my table and shove you face in it then proceed to slit your wrist. The sound of my knife cracking your bone in half as I split you up is so melodic, so methodic that Beethoven plays in my head as I give a thought to it. I hope all you authors who design this get arthritis bones cramp up and stuffed with sinus to point it's blindin you see the point I'm contriving this is science. I wouldn't wish my enemy to experience the things that I've lived.

just writing to the sake of writing..

Peace.

Exis · 02-01-2014, 10:06 AM

Honestly, I hate paragraph structured verses (only a few can pull it off successfully imo e.g CopyPat, Lars etc.) like I get the flow and all it just comes across as some sloppy concoction that you don't wanna delve into yet COULD be intoxicatin' by it once you have...I liked how you opened it, didn't really feel much after that unfortunately....no hate just sayin', I'll no doubt drop sumthin' soon that you can diss the fuck out of so yeah, 'tis all gravy nigga.

Stay upwards.

Clayray · 02-01-2014, 10:33 AM

It's all good man, I appreciate any feed. Good or bad. I'm not the type to see someone say they didn't like what I wrote then go to their piece and degrade it just to 'get you back'this is an Open Mic section where your work is to either be critiqued or praised, not high school.

So thanks for the feed brother.

Peace.

01-31-2014, 04:55 PM	#1
Clayray 6ft of Seperation Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 1,541 Battle Record: 3-5 Champed - Faggot of the Year (2015) Rep Power: 0	Blah Modern day Dr. Kevorkian back from the morgue again, I've been torturing men but not in the normal of sense it's from my force of the pen, Cornering them in & showing them views of my distorted sin. You get goosebumps laying on my cold iron table to hear these bold lines of fable, I told ya'll I'm able to see between the lines of your meaningless lifes you hide behind the lies that spew from inside. I've seen you kill and get away with it, the justice system is so ignorant so i'll bring you to my table and shove you face in it then proceed to slit your wrist. The sound of my knife cracking your bone in half as I split you up is so melodic, so methodic that Beethoven plays in my head as I give a thought to it. I hope all you authors who design this get arthritis bones cramp up and stuffed with sinus to point it's blindin you see the point I'm contriving this is science. I wouldn't wish my enemy to experience the things that I've lived. just writing to the sake of writing.. Peace.

02-01-2014, 10:06 AM	#2
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Honestly, I hate paragraph structured verses (only a few can pull it off successfully imo e.g CopyPat, Lars etc.) like I get the flow and all it just comes across as some sloppy concoction that you don't wanna delve into yet COULD be intoxicatin' by it once you have...I liked how you opened it, didn't really feel much after that unfortunately....no hate just sayin', I'll no doubt drop sumthin' soon that you can diss the fuck out of so yeah, 'tis all gravy nigga. Stay upwards.

02-01-2014, 10:33 AM	#3
Clayray 6ft of Seperation Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 1,541 Battle Record: 3-5 Champed - Faggot of the Year (2015) Rep Power: 0	It's all good man, I appreciate any feed. Good or bad. I'm not the type to see someone say they didn't like what I wrote then go to their piece and degrade it just to 'get you back'this is an Open Mic section where your work is to either be critiqued or praised, not high school. So thanks for the feed brother. Peace.