Perhaps...

[Objective]

Masked intentions bicker to a zany road
ingraved in tones of never answered telephones.
The vast suspension clones these hollow beasts
that feeds on human flesh and common needs.
A shamans aloe vera leaves recieved with warning laughter
expose the souls that mock beliefs with hearts that bleeds the morning after.
The core of more disaster burns the roots to men of reason,
it turns and loots feelings with ease as dignity has left this season.
Also known as human treason is the kids of coerced darker paths,
followed by a bath in sin their mind within is cursed by a martyr's wrath.
Only Lucifer can do the math of absuive gentlemen,
I for one do not support the intrusive mental den
with groups of people that disguise insanity,
or perhaps it's just that I don't like humanity.

[Smooth]

A shamans aloe vera leaves recieved with warning laughter
expose the souls that mock beliefs with hearts that bleeds the morning after.

^that is an excellent bar..

this piece is very nice man, loved the metaphorical value in it. My only criticism I guess would be that its a very short piece.. maybe a start to something larger.. more complete?

[Concrete]

Yeah grimy lil piece, think you got the spiritually-humanity-basically-sucks vibe nailed down with some more or less vexing and reflective phrases such as

The core of more disaster burns the roots to men of reason,
it turns and loots feelings with ease as dignity has left this season.

[Scripter]

"The vast suspension clones these hollow beasts
that feeds on human flesh and common needs.
A shamans aloe vera leaves recieved with warning laughter
expose the souls that mock beliefs with hearts that bleeds the morning after."

I really liked this, It had so much feeling and each line seemed to compliment the next. You are definitely elevated in the way you write and your transitions are impeccable. I would of also liked to of seen more, in this piece.

[Certain]

While I still think you're strongest when telling a story, you've improved your mechanics a lot with these short pieces in Open Mic. (I hope to see you in the Art of Writing League's third season, which will kick off in February.)

The good here is that your rhyming has improved, but it still isn't perfect. Your syllables are a little off sometimes, with a few lines that are too long and a few rhymes where the rhymed syllables are slightly off.

I think your metaphors are a bit too mixed and incomplete to really make an effective statement. Also, you twice used incorrect subject/verb agreements that threw me off ("beasts that feeds" and "hearts that bleeds"). There were some good ideas here, though, and if you narrowed your focus a little bit and developed them, you'd have a more fulfilling verse. The ending was good.

[Objective]

Originally Posted by Certain

Also, you twice used incorrect subject/verb agreements that threw me off ("beasts that feeds" and "hearts that bleeds").

How should they have been? Beasts that feed/Hearts that bleed? Thanks for pointing it out btw. Great feed all around, appreciated! And ye, you'll definitely see me in the AOWL.

Thanks to everyone for reading and taking your time to feed.

[Certain]

Yes, plural verbs for plural nouns. Also, if you'd like to return the feed, Split Eight and I would love your vote in our Battle Arena topical match: http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=49829

Thanks.

[Objective]

Originally Posted by Certain

Also, if you'd like to return the feed

I looked upon it as you returning feed for the few times I've responded to you asking me to vote on whatever, haha. I'm definitely down to keep the cycle going tho'. I'll take a look at it whenever I get the time to sit down and actually read the battle, rather than scoping through it and leave some words and a vote. Consider it done. :)