01-25-2014, 04:07 PM | #1 |
rhyme capsule.
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verso pollice
[there's a picture for this but the verse doesn't deserve it]
Coming up from the hypogeum, Drumming thumps in the coliseum from stamping feet; the fans this week seek to see a sanguine feast between Man and beast that refuse to stand at ease. It’s here I stand, with these, Except my stance is peace: hand on sheathe waiting to untuck my unrivaled, deft, Gladius, Thought unspent on survival’s extraneous, Explaining this: One already tries to start quick. ARRRGHH! the battle cry is quite cathartic, But a clumsy lance thrust is, by and large, stiff. I move to the side with a quiet, calm, slip. He doesn’t know I’m lion-hearted, Aquiline eyes won’t fail to find a target as iron charts a line across his skull until the eyes are pried apart, it’s no time to be proud, for the clash of steel’s swallowed by the crowd’s roar: A Dao soars with unfound force through the proud maw of the (previous) champion, and out pours blood that I find secretly saccharine. I have to go after him. See, the meat is spoilt, I wanted to eat it whole. My steel can only eat when first meeting bone, Thus me and the unbeaten foe begin to trade, effortless, sequenced blows. It’s fairly equal. No. There’s a definite ebb and uneven flow, I feel his soul separate from flesh with a lethal stroke. Now the legions know I cannot be left vanquished, The viewer’s grow, my legend is established. Except now I’ve got a foot on my neck, and it’s inevitably followed by the most savage of thrusts. The damage is done. I’m adding it up: Thinking. Wait! The fuck. How? All I see is swathes of thumbs down. Last edited by Eŋg; 01-25-2014 at 04:10 PM. |
01-25-2014, 04:24 PM | #2 |
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01-25-2014, 04:36 PM | #3 |
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wasnt this the no show verse? I remember cause you used sanguine. This was a decent verse ox. I like the words you use, but wording seemed a bit odd at times, but still very top notch. Maybe it was the structuring, but I doubt it since I can read through that. A good first round verse, very in and out, but a bit ambiguous.
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01-25-2014, 10:43 PM | #4 |
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Holy shit this is epic man..
Coming up from the hypogeum, Drumming thumps in the coliseum from stamping feet; the fans this week seek to see a sanguine feast between Man and beast that refuse to stand at ease. It’s here I stand, with these, Except my stance is peace: hand on sheathe ^ straight stylin on em He doesn’t know I’m lion-hearted, Aquiline eyes won’t fail to find a target as iron charts a line across his skull until the eyes are pried apart, it’s no time to be proud, for the clash of steel’s swallowed by the crowd’s roar: Overall this was a very solid piece man.. love the theme, and you stuck to it like glue throughout the entire thing. Much props man
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01-26-2014, 12:58 AM | #5 | |
rhyme capsule.
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Quote:
well played @dead man |
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01-31-2014, 07:34 AM | #6 |
rhyme capsule.
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i rhymed Gladius. fuck yea.
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01-31-2014, 06:58 PM | #7 |
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The glade gods would be proud
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02-01-2014, 08:15 AM | #8 |
............
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Good shit Mr. Cannibal Ox...Your word usage is quite strange yet it works, it's awkward while bein' original at the same time if that makes any sense.I like readin' submissions from you as they are often refreshin' and have me thinkin' outside the box, which in itself is a reason to peep anythin' you drop.There's nothin' I didn't feel here, and yeah sure I've seen better verses from you (mechanically speakin') but this had a fuck load to like about it...very enjoyable piece fam.
And thanks for the feed as always man...stay uppity. |
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